


How Could You (Love Me)?

by TheTrueTree



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: A BALL OF ANGST, Amon is so helplessly in love, Amon wants to give Kaneki that hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Conversations, BAMF Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise, Bad Flirting, Bc milestones are important, CCG tortured Kaneki, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Ghoul Kaneki Ken, How does one tag??, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Identity Reveal, Implied Sexual Content, Kaneki Ken is the One-Eyed King, Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise Has Issues, Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise Needs a Hug, Kaneki is a drama queen, Kaneki is too really he just doesn't want to be, Kaneki wants to kill all the doves, Kaneki was born a half-ghoul, Kissing, M/M, Mild Gore, Moral Dilemmas, Not Canon Compliant, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Past Torture, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Revenge, Secret Identity, Serious, Shironeki | White-haired Kaneki Ken, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also, and it was a milestone, another thing, at least I think it's mild..., at least at first, bc I struggle, but not in a bad way??, but really, but really it just turned into a bunch of drama, each chapter increases in length, he's an emo boi, i should mention, i'm trash sorry, idk kaneki just like doesn't want amon to die, it ends up with just, it's a theme, just putting that out there, just saying, kaneki is a ball of angst, lol not really, oh yeah, ooc hide, or at least i try to be, the fluff is going to make you want to die, the struggle is real, too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2020-04-23 23:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19161460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTrueTree/pseuds/TheTrueTree
Summary: Amon and Kaneki meet in the simplest of places: a coffee shop. What's not simple: Kaneki is a half-ghoul with multiple aliases in the CCG's database who hunts investigators for revenge as a hobby, Amon is a CCG Investigator, and they love each other.Amon was enraptured from the first time he saw Kaneki and heard the man speak. He wanted to get to know the beautiful male better, to make it past his boundaries, and learn all he could about Kaneki Ken.Kaneki views Amon Koutarou as nothing more than a good for nothing Dove, then as a meal, then as someone he wouldn't mind getting to know. It's all rather confusing, and Kaneki just wants it to end. (But not really. Fuck.)





	1. To Begin

**Author's Note:**

> Just some notes to get everyone started!
> 
> Kaneki was born a half-ghoul, and therefore much less shy/nervous and much more intense/murdery. Kaneki was captured along with his mother by the CCG at the age of 10, where they were used as demonstration material for CCG classes before his mother was eventually killed for the sake of proving ghouls could 'fake' emotions. He is held at the CCG for almost a full year, during which he is tortured, before being rescued by Anteiku. Kaneki does work at Anteiku, but this does not stop him from seeking revenge against the CCG. He briefly works with Rize after they bond over having similar kagunes and ideals, but they later break it off, mostly due to Hide - Kaneki is still friends with him and therefore doesn't hate all humans, straining their relationship. When he is nineteen, Yamori captures him and tortures him, with Kaneki eventually breaking free and cannibalizing Yamori, then returning back to life as usual.
> 
> POV alternates b/w Third Person Limited Kaneki & Amon each chapter. So chapter 1 is Kaneki, chapter 2 is Amon, and all of it is in Third Person. 
> 
> I think that's it for now, hope you enjoy!

Kaneki was grateful for his job at Anteiku. It let him keep up a steady income and hiding was unnecessary, seeing as all workers there were ghouls anyways. Life was simple and easy, as much as it could be, at Anteiku but Kaneki couldn't be happy with the peace. There was a part of him, a very large part, that craved so much for violence and bloodshed, that he just couldn't stick to Anteiku's way of life. He was already immersed into the cruelties of life, an ocean of blood spread out to cover the whole world, and he could not go back. He would forever be stained that deep red, trapped within -

A customer waved him over. He could save his thoughts for later, after his shift was over.

He placed his classic smile on as he approached the customer. The customer was tall and broad, a serious face mixed with exquisite features. He looked smooth and well-groomed, implying a well-paying job. The obvious muscles implied a strength that may rival a ghoul's (perhaps if the ghoul was weak) and a dedication to exercise. Most importantly, however, was the briefcase at his side that swarmed the building with the prevailing scent of a dead ghoul - quinque. This customer was a ghoul investigator, part of the CCG. It took everything he had to keep his smile from slipping.

The night Kaneki escaped confinement at the CCG training headquarters, he swore he would find vengeance. Any dove to cross his path would suffer at his hands until all those who killed his mother and tortured Kaneki, those who laughed in the face of their misery, were eradicated from this life. He would not kill any others, only those who wronged him.

It was a struggle to leave those who had not attacked him or his friends free, but he knew it would please his mother. After all, her final words had told him to forgive the ignorant and take their pain unto himself. It was better to be hurt than to hurt others.

Even now, Kaneki struggled with her ideals. He knew part of his struggle was because of the torture he suffered after her death before his escape, and later at the hands of Yamori, leaving his nails permanently black and hair dead white, and also perhaps the lingering feelings of hurt and loathing left by his father's departure, but he could not let go of this innate feeling that he was meant to kill. To take down all foes and climb to the top. Rid the world of the doves and help the people see the truth; bring a world of unity between the ghouls and humans.

Even now, Kaneki struggled not to rip apart the man in front of him, ordering a muffin and black coffee, sugar to be brought out separately. This dove had the audacity to smile up at him innocently, as if all was right in the world. As if he did not help to rip lives apart and force suffering onto the innocent.

Still, a small portion of his mind niggled at him - this man had a kind voice and gentle eyes. Kaneki was currently trying to beat that part of his mind to death, even as he smiled and nodded politely at the man in front of him. He turned and made his way back to the bar counter, grabbing a muffin and setting upon making the cup of coffee.

It was as he worked that Kaneki calmed mildly, chancing a glance back to the dove. The man sat calmly, not a hint of suspicion on his face, which meant he did not know this was a ghoul cafe. (Hopefully, he never would.) As such, this man, as far as Kaneki knew, could be innocent. It was unlikely, but even if he wasn't, well, he had yet to make a dangerous move. For now, the man would be safe.

Kaneki served the coffee and muffin quietly, not a hair out of place, and his smile almost genuine.

It wasn't long before Kaneki noticed a recurring pattern.

The investigator would come in at three in the afternoon every day he worked, sit down at the table in the far right corner (best view of the bar, where the drinks were made), order a muffin and black coffee as soon as Kaneki came over, and stay as long as he could make to look normal. It also did not escape his notice that the man asked specifically for his help if anyone else came over. When he asked Touka; who helped after her classes were over on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and also on Saturdays; she told him that the investigator had originally come on his off-days too, but stopped shortly after he realized Kaneki would not be working those shifts.

Kaneki wanted to laugh - who would've thought, a ghoul investigator stalking a ghoul for a reason other than murder. After all, Kaneki knew he had not given himself away, being extra careful around the man, and often noticing a fierce red blush spring up to the man's cheeks whenever Kaneki glanced his way.

Kaneki smirked as he made his way over to the man, coffee in hand. Gracefully, he slid into the seat opposite the investigator, placing the cup down gently in front of the man. The immediate blush brought a smile to Kaneki's face and he covered his mouth with one hand.

"So, are you going to ask for my name, or just continue to stalk me at my workplace?" Kaneki asked with nonchalance, hands coming down to rest halfway across the table, fingers splayed out. Normally, Kaneki wouldn't be so suggestive - it really wasn't his way. Despite his confidence in fighting and keeping a mask up, his confidence did not tend to play into actual conversations. However, with this man, it just felt right.

The man's blush spread further, spreading to his ears and neck.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was being so obvious. My name is Koutarou Amon. I prefer Amon, though. Yours?" Although his face betrayed his embarrassment, Amon's voice came out in a deep honey-smooth tone, sending shivers up Kaneki's spine.

"Kaneki Ken. Please call me Kaneki. And I hope you return here for more than just myself," Kaneki said, eyebrow raised.

Hastily, Amon nodded, "Of course. The coffee is wonderful." For all the world, Amon looked desperate to have not offended him.

"What of the muffin?" He asked, smirk set softly into place.

Immediately, Amon nodded yet again, eyes blown wide with worry.

Kaneki chuckled softly, turning his head away from the flushed man. "It's not so big of a deal, if you don't like it. I don't make the muffins anyway."

"I do like them though," Amon said, running a hand through his hair. "And I think I'd like to get to know you, Kaneki. If you wouldn't mind." **(this smooth motherfucker wow)**

"Mmm," Kaneki hummed, "When you put it like that, I just can't refuse. When are you free?"

"How about this Saturday at ten? Is there something you would like to do?" Amon smiled at Kaneki, a hopeful look glinting off his eyes.

"Sure, and the one who asks, chooses. Just pick me up here, and we'll go from there," Kaneki said, though he paused when he saw Amon's smile. "I hope you don't think this will mean anything permanent. I'm willing to get to know you, that's all. We'll see where we're at when the date is over."

Amon nodded seriously, "Of course. Thank you for accepting."

"Of course," Kaneki returned, standing up to continue his shift. "I haven't seen anything bad yet, even if you are a stalker." Kaneki winked at him and made his way back to the bar. When Touka turned her harsh gaze on him, he shrugged innocently.

"I hope you know what you're getting into," she said harshly, brushing past him to serve the next waiting customer.

"I do. Of course, I do."

Kaneki sighed, cracking his fingers instinctually. He would eat well on Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap!
> 
> Let me know what you think—constructive criticism appreciated, but please don't be rude/mean. Also if you just want to review, that's pretty chill!! 
> 
> Updates for the first four parts are every 2 weeks, after that, monthly. 
> 
> Each chapter increases in length, so while this chapter was a lovely 1,348 words, the next chapter will be 2,000+ words. (Increase by approx. 1,000 words each chap.) Hence, only 10 chapters for now, since at that point chapters would be just getting too long. I might change my mind and make this easier on myself later, in which case, more chapters would be written, but I'm kind of obsessive about patterns, so...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	2. To Give a Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amon and Kaneki have their first date, and, like it or not, Amon has all the butterflies in the world trapped in his stomach. Or at least that's what it feels like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again!
> 
> It's 12:22 am now, so a few minutes off my goal for posting time, but I don't think any of you mind... 
> 
> Ummmm.... this is kinda weird cause I have to remind myself what this chapter is about because I just finished chapter four, so my head is in a different place...
> 
> ok now my brain is just focusing on the thought of separating my head from my body but you didn't need to know that
> 
> Right. SO.
> 
> Thanks for all the reads so far, and I really appreciate all the support. I appreciate each and every comment, kudos, & bookmark. I wasn't really expecting anyone to read this because I lack confidence, so it really means a lot to me! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

It was with great trepidation that Amon approached Anteiku that Saturday. Everything about the situation was nerve-wracking. Kaneki was beautiful and smart and cute and Amon deeply wished to know more about him. To have a chance to be with him.

Amon felt oddly clunky and tense as he walked towards the cafe; it made him glad he would not be hunting any ghouls down. He was in no shape to be fighting right now. Chuckling softly, almost morbidly, he spun the flower in his hand nervously.

He didn't know if Kaneki liked carnations, but he hoped the delicate white flower in his hands would please the beautiful waiter. If not, at least he would know Amon was being serious.

Amon stopped right outside the cafe, hesitantly reaching up to open the door, just when Kaneki flung the door open. Amon barely avoided being hit by the door, though his hand was not so lucky. Of course, Kaneki had been startled too, and had tripped into him, worsening the situation. Amon was left to catch them both, leaving him with an armful of Kaneki, a throbbing hand, and a ruined flower.

Immediately, Kaneki pushed himself up and apologized, "Amon! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!"

Amon couldn't help but stare as the sweet man brushed them both off, checking Amon over to make sure he was alright. How cute. Amon shook his head, forcing himself to focus.

"Not at all, the timing was just off. I hope you were not hurt," Amon half-asked, half-stated as he looked down at Kaneki. At Kaneki's shake of his head, Amon continued, "That's good. Though I cannot say the same of the flowers I brought you."

Amon lifted up the ruined carnations, green stems bent and broken, and petals on the ground. Kaneki gasped, one hand coming up in an attempt to hide his smile.

"Were those for me?" Kaneki blinked sweetly up at Amon, his words both appreciative and amused in sound.

"They were. I was hoping to impress you, though I wasn't sure you'd like them," Amon said, one hand reaching up to rub the back of his head. He could feel his own cheeks burning red, embarrassingly enough.

"That's very nice of you, Amon. Thank you. Let me just take them inside here; I'll have Touka hold onto them for me until later. Though, she'll probably just throw them away. She doesn't like you much." Kaneki smiled and took the flowers from Amon, turning back to enter Anteiku briefly.

Amon couldn't believe his luck at getting such a kind, if not blunt, man to agree to go out with him. Kaneki seemed far too perfect for Amon, and Amon could only hope he'd play his cards right. He didn't want this to end before it even had the chance to begin.

Amon smiled pleasantly as Kaneki returned outside, though he paused as he took in the new accessory on Kaneki's face. He'd seen the man wear an eyepatch at work before, though he did not consistently and it was really throwing Amon for a loop. Then again, he didn't want to be rude and bring up bad memories outright. Amon settled for raising an eyebrow, but not directly questioning Kaneki.

Kaneki laughed somewhat bitterly, raising a hand to rub against the material, and dropped his gaze, not meeting Amon's eyes. "I was in an accident with a ghoul a long time ago. Sometimes my eye acts up and I have to cover it up to keep it from getting any more damaged." Kaneki's hand dropped to rub against his chin and he lifted his head to meet Amon's gaze once more. His stare was challenging, as if he expected Amon to react negatively or lash out, though Amon couldn't imagine why.

Amon nodded in understanding, though something about the statement still seemed off. He wasn't sure exactly what - it made perfect sense, but something just seemed off. Still, it wouldn't do to question Kaneki on such a personal matter if he didn't want to talk about it. "I'm sorry you had to go through something like that."

Kaneki smiled ruefully. "This world is a broken place, Amon. It is not surprising that I did. But thank you all the same."

Amon couldn't find the words to respond; Kaneki looked so heartbreaking at the moment with his singular grey eye staring up at him, seeming to hold an eternal sort of wisdom that came out of hardship, and his snowy hair fluttering softly in the wind, only serving to highlight the misery held in his visible eye. Amon flushed, shaken by his sudden influx of thoughts centered around protecting Kaneki. He wished he could bundle the man up and take him away from all the horrors of the world, however unreasonable that may be.

Kaneki startled him out of his stupor with a soft laugh. "Let's not start a date with such dreary topics. Where are you taking me?"

Amon struggled to find words yet again, this time shaken by the sweet semblance of innocence that played across Kaneki's face at the breathtaking smile curving his lips and cheeks and making his one visible eye seem bright. Amon really was quite hopeless...

"Amon?"

Amon coughed lightly, looking away in embarrassment. "Yes, right. Um, I was thinking we could stop at the Boar's Hat. It's a nice casual tavern-style place near here and the food is supposed to be very good. Or at least that's what my friends say. I don't go out much, so I had to ask them. And I hope you don't mind that it's not particularly fancy, I just thought it might be more comfortable."

Kaneki smiled gently. "That sounds wonderful. I've never been there, so I can't say I know anything about it myself. A new experience for both of us then."

Amon flushed, giving a small smile in return. "Indeed," he said, hoping nothing would go wrong and the words for a new conversation would come to him. Everything seemed to be going so well already, he didn't want to ruin it.

"So, what do you do for a living? I always see your briefcase with you, but I don't actually know what you do," Kaneki said genially, easing Amon's burden.

"Ah, I work for the CCG. I don't know what your opinions of the CCG are, but I hope you won't think negatively of me because of it," Amon said sheepishly, eyeing Kaneki carefully for his reaction. He knew some people were against the CCG's somewhat indiscriminate killing of ghouls, though he personally couldn't entirely understand. In their world, it was kill or be killed, as cliche as it sounded.

Kaneki's features were schooled into a carefully neutral expression. "I personally try to stay away from the CCG, but I don't have anything huge against them. And I wouldn't hold your job against you, since I don't know what your motivations even are for having the job, or if you like it." Amon watched as Kaneki's reached up to hold his chin again, taking it as a sign of discomfort.

"It's alright if you don't like the CCG, I know our methods bother some people. Thank you for not holding anything against me," he said, trying to sooth the kind man he'd asked out.

"Of course. Do you have to deal with displeased people frequently? You seemed to be expecting a negative response," Kaneki pointed out, though Amon did not miss how Kaneki had deflected away from his personal opinions.

"Not really, no. Most of the time when we speak to people on the job it's because they're either reporting a ghoul or being attacked by one. Still, I know not everyone appreciates our work. We do get a fair amount of... hate mail, you could say."

Kaneki chuckled, "You guys really get hate mail? Don't you have better things to do than read through hate mail?" Amon wasn't sure if he imagined Kaneki's briefly sour expression at the end of his questions.

"Unfortunately, yes to both of those questions. We have to read through any mail or messages left for the CCG in case any of them are reports or contain actually helpful information. Thankfully, I don't usually have to do that unless my squad doesn't have any other missions to attend to," Amon tried to stay positive, not sure how to change the topic Kaneki was clearly uncomfortable with when Kaneki himself was the one bringing it up.

"I take it you work on the field a lot then?" And there it was - a downright bitter expression on Kaneki's face. Did Kaneki have something against field agents specifically? Was it the killing? The danger? Or something else?

"I do. We don't have to talk about my job if you don't want to, Kaneki," Amon said as gently as he knew how.

"Ah, sorry! I just - I," Kaneki paused, slowing down slightly and staring at the ground, "I just have some bad personal experiences with the CCG. My father left my mom and me for his job at the CCG."

Amon stopped, turning to face Kaneki fully. "I'm very sorry your father did that to you. You deserve much better, Kaneki," Amon reached out to rest one of his hands against Kaneki's shoulder and realized this was the first time since leaving Anteiku that they made any sort of physical contact.

Kaneki smiled, bringing one hand to rest one hand gently against Amon's arm. "Thank you, Amon. It's okay though, he's probably dead by now," Kaneki's voice sounded dangerous in that moment, though his expression was so happy, and Amon didn't know how to react. "Still, I'm sorry; I didn't intend for my own personal baggage to come up so much and bring down the date - before it's even properly begun, at that!"

"It's alright," Amon said, and, hoping to lighten the mood, cracked his own smile, making eye contact with Kaneki. "Remind me to never get on your bad side, though. I'm very happy not to be your father." It wasn't exactly a good joke, but at least he tried.

Kaneki let out a full laugh, and Amon couldn't help the dopey expression that crossed his face. Kaneki was simply too beautiful for Amon to handle.

Eventually, Amon cast a look around, and, noticing their destination nearby, he nudged Kaneki gently. "We're just about there," Amon pointed toward the large hanging sign down the street.

Kaneki smiled at him once more and they made their way over in silence, though it did not escape Amon's notice how Kaneki's arm was now gently woven through his own, a feather-light contact that implied a certain intimacy and closeness, yet still kept some of the distance between them.

At least he knew it was going well.

* * *

Amon laughed freely with Kaneki as they left the restaurant, talking about some odd prank Kaneki's best friend, Hide, had done. The date had gone very well, despite the horrendous food. Whoever ran the establishment needed to hire a new chef. And Amon needed to hire new friends.

Giggling, Kaneki leaned against Amon's arm and Amon could not help the bright blush that spread quickly across his face. "This was fun, Amon."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your time with me," Amon said, flushing red still. Kaneki seemed set on never letting go of Amon's arm, if his tight grip was anything to go by. Though Amon couldn't help but notice a slight tremble to Kaneki's hands, even as they tightened further. "Is everything alright, Kaneki?"

Kaneki frowned. "Yeah, I'm just worried about the time. Nishiki will have left Anteiku by now, so I can't get a ride home."

Amon nodded in understanding. "I'll drive you home then. I parked my car not far from Anteiku." He looked down at the lovely man on his arm, taken by the way the darkness of night made Kaneki stand out with his white hair glowing and the pale creaminess of his skin contrasting with Amon's own skin enough to make Kaneki seem like a creature of the night. The most beautiful creature Amon had ever seen.

An odd expression crossed Kaneki's face - a cross between annoyance and happiness, and Amon couldn't place which emotions were directed where simply because it didn't seem like Kaneki could either. He hadn't upset Kaneki, had he?

"Unless you want to find a different ride? Please don't feel like you have to do anything with me."

The disparity of Kaneki's visible emotions seemed to leave as he gave Amon a gentle smile. "Not at all. I'd appreciate that a lot, Amon. I just wish my friend would have waited."

Amon nodded, relaxing as they continued their walk towards Anteiku since it was only a couple blocks away. He kept turning his eyes to look down at Kaneki, loving the feeling of the young man's arm wrapped tightly through Amon's own. He was glad the date had gone so well, with them connecting to each other very quickly as conversation flowed smoothly.

As they reached Amon's car, Amon collected himself. "So, would you mind doing this again, Kaneki?" Amon's voice remained steady, with only a hint of his nerves seeping through as he opened the door for Kaneki.

Kaneki pulled his arm away, leaning down to enter the car. "I'd love to," he said as his eye glistened up at Amon, irrefutably honest.

Amon couldn't help but to smile ecstatically as he circled around to his own door. He had to fight to keep his grin down the whole drive as Kaneki gave him directions.

Eventually, they reached a small apartment building and Kaneki had him pull over. There was a moment in which they said nothing, and Amon found himself getting lost in the depths of Kaneki's grey eyes, his eyepatch having come off at some point during the car ride.

"I had a lot of fun," Kaneki said softly for the second time that night. His eyes were the closest to vulnerable Amon had ever seen as he stared up at him, licking his lips softly.

Amon barely had time to say, "I'm glad," before he felt Kaneki's lips close upon his in a searing kiss.

Amon was unsure of how long they sat in his car, lips connecting them even as they moved in the most blissful and passionate way Amon knew lips could move. Of course, Amon also could barely think, his brain functioning just enough to respond to the kiss, but too lost in the sensations to do much else, let alone keep track of time. It was extraordinary how soft Kaneki's lips were, though Amon couldn't categorize them as gentle (not that he minded).

Amon let his hands rest happily on Kaneki's waist, thumbs rubbing circles into his hips and squeezing gently as Kaneki's hands ran through his hair. Nothing else seemed to matter except Kaneki and the wonderful feeling of bringing their mouths together again and again and again.

Sadly, Kaneki eventually pulled away, gently resting their foreheads together and meeting Amon's eyes with his own half-lidded ones. It was only then that Amon realized Kaneki had at some point moved into his lap, legs resting on either side of Amon's own.

Kaneki opened the door and slowly extracted himself from Amon, pressing one more soft, burning kiss to his lips. "Call me soon. Goodnight, Amon."

And then the door shut, and Amon was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap. 
> 
> Word count clocking in at 2,680 words; I hope they were good ones.
> 
> Please comment, give a kudos, and let me know if there's anything you think I should change or I could do better. 
> 
> As a parting note: eels. just. eels.


	3. To Let It Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki finds himself falling deeply in love with the stupid dove who asked him out and doesn't know how to fight it. Does he even want to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter! 
> 
> I generally try to post right around midnight, but this one got away from me. Still, got the right day, so.... *shrug*
> 
> As this progresses, I find myself writing Kaneki with more internal angst and external softness??? Idk, might just be my imagination... It probably is...
> 
> Yeah, so this chapter's fun. We actually get to see some real plot progression rather than just these two idiots being like 'ey you're cute wanna date' and then being like 'sure but imma kill you so...' but only at the end of the chapter for like two sentences lol. (What I mean is, there's more to this fic than just them figuring out how to be together.)

Kaneki felt himself collapse against the door as he shut it behind himself. What was he thinking? He was supposed to lie about where he lived. He was supposed to have Amon walk him 'home.' He was supposed to shove Amon into an ally and kill him before the man had a chance to react. That was what he had resolved to do. It was what he had  _wanted_ to do. Until he was met with Amon's kind eyes and well-meaning words.

Touka's words rang in his head mockingly,  _"I hope you know what you're getting into."_

He really thought he had.

Kaneki hadn't meant to actually have a good time on the date. In fact, the whole point of agreeing had been to get a good meal and stop any feelings that had been building up. (Amon was annoyingly cute and handsome, so Kaneki had been banking on a horrible personality to go with his job as a dove.)

Still, Kaneki had a good time with Amon. He could even feel himself liking the man, and he knew if given time, he could certainly fall in love. It just made Kaneki so angry how the stupid man had been so kind, doing his best to make Kaneki comfortable, taking a genuine interest in Kaneki's opinions and hobbies, and being an altogether funny and interesting person to spend time with. It made Kaneki angry that he finally found someone he liked and they were someone he could never forgive, someone he could never forgive _himself_ for loving.

With an angry growl, Kaneki stood and left his apartment, heading off to one of the areas he had claimed as his hunting ground. The next human he saw was going to end up in his stomach, and that was the end of it. Maybe that would get Kaneki thinking straight again.

* * *

Approximately two weeks after their first date, Kaneki had found no amount of killing and eating people (and sometimes other ghouls) ever made up for how invested he was becoming in Amon. They had been on six more dates during that time period, spoke nearly every day on the phone, or at least texted, and Kaneki had nearly ceased trying to find faults in Amon. It wasn't as though Amon was faultless - for instance, he was awkward and sometimes he got so caught up in what he was talking about that he left no room for Kaneki to speak. It was just that Kaneki found he couldn't hate the man for his faults. All they seemed to do was endear the man to him more.

Kaneki had taken to grumbling under his breath during work hours, cursing the man's good traits, which did not go unnoticed by the other employees. They all seemed to enjoy teasing Kaneki and bringing up the man in question often just to watch Kaneki as descended into a fit of unintelligible mumbles and a flush rose to his face. Except for Touka, who seemed torn between disappointment, smug ' _I was right, you were wrong'_  gloating, and amusement at Kaneki's overall failure to keep himself pulled together.

Eventually, Kaneki decided enough was enough. Either Amon needed to be killed or Kaneki had to break things off. It simply wouldn't do to date a ghoul investigator (although he could use their close relations to keep tabs on the CCG). They had too many differences (although they got along quite well), and Amon was employed to kill Kaneki's species (although Kaneki couldn't exactly say he'd ever even seen the man in action).

There was another problem - every time Kaneki resolved to end things, he reasoned himself out of it. As such, Kaneki couldn't help the sneer that came over his features and the dissatisfied growl that followed. Kaneki cleaned the countertop angrily, refusing to look up even as he heard the bell chime. Nishio could take care of it, Kaneki was too busy being upset.

"Oi! Kaneki~, don't ignore me!" Out rang the obnoxious voice of Kaneki's best friend, distracting him momentarily from his anger. "You haven't talked to me basically all week, man! Don't you know rabbits die of loneliness?"

Kaneki smiled at his friend, coming out from behind the counter to quickly embrace his friend. "Sorry, Hide. I've just been busy."

Unhelpfully, Nishio chose that moment to butt in, like the asshole he was, "Busy getting in that dove's pants!" Nishio scoffed, walking past the two friends.

Kaneki growled at the man and tried not to cringe at Hide's offended gasps, already suspecting the upcoming dramatics.

"Kane-otouto? What is Nishiki talking about?" Hide collapsed against the bar, as if all his strength had left him. "Have I hurt you? Why wouldn't you share this part of your life with me~!" Kaneki rolled his eyes as Hide whined at him, a pout developing easily over the blond male's face.

"It's just been hard," Kaneki sighed. "He's absolutely infuriating. He's a dove, but he keeps on just making me like him more and more. It's entirely unfair." It was Kaneki's turn to whine at his friend, easily upset by Amon's lack of just overall  _bad_ ness.

Hide, _(_ _shockingly)_  regaining all physical capabilities and confidence lost seconds before, tsked him and waved his finger in Kaneki's face. "Nothing is fair in love and war, my dear Kaneki. Or everything is fair, whatever."

Kaneki groaned, moving back to behind the counter. "What did I do to deserve this treatment. And have you been spending time with Tsukiyama? I swear, if you start speaking in French," Kaneki trailed off, glaring at his friend.

"Non, how could you say that?!" Hide grinned mischievously at Kaneki, and Kaneki could only conclude his friend enjoyed watching him suffer; he'd heard that shoddy french accent too many times in the last year.

Sighing, Kaneki picked up his cleaning cloth once again, getting back to work. "I've been betrayed," Kaneki intoned with a perfect sense of melancholy and defeat.

Hide smiled at him, ruffling his hair. "Aww, I'm sure it'll be alright, Kaneki. Though I can't say I understand the dove part," Hide frowned, looking at Kaneki in concern. "You sure nothing will go wrong?"

"For now, yes. He's disturbingly nice, and he genuinely seems to care about me. Actually, he'll be picking me up at the end of my shift in an hour. If you want to meet him, feel free to stick around." Kaneki knew Hide would take the invitation for what it was - a request for Hide to make sure he wasn't just going insane.

"Of course. Gotta meet my little brother's new boyfriend!" Hide snickered as Kaneki growled at him, snapping playfully at nimble fingers when Hide reached out to ruffle his hair again.

"I'm not your little brother, Hide," Kaneki grumbled, fighting to keep the smile off his face. Everything felt so much easier with Hide present and Kaneki couldn't help but relax into having a good time with his closest friend.

The next hour passed uneventfully, easy conversation passing between the two friends as Kaneki went about his job. Hide was the best friend Kaneki could ask for - they had met when he was little, only five, and had been inseparable ever since. Hide had tried to search for him that one year he was trapped in hell, but being only ten when Kaneki was captured, it was no surprise he couldn't find a way to get to him. Besides, there was nothing that could make Kaneki resent Hide. The man may be human, but he had known of Kaneki's species since they were small and never once held Kaneki in disdain for it, nor had he told anyone. Hide was the one person Kaneki would never be able to kill. (It looked like Amon was aiming to be the second.)

Kaneki looked up when the bell jingled, signaling the arrival of another customer. In walked Amon, and Kaneki couldn't help the small smile and wave, ignoring Hide's eyebrow wiggling.

"Kaneki, hello. Are you ready to go?" Amon walked up, smiling pleasantly at him. He gave Hide a curious glance, but didn't ask about the man.

Kaneki smiled. "In just a minute. This is my-"

Kaneki was cut off by an exuberant, "Father! I am his father!" Hide turned to greet Amon, a mismatching grin and glare on his features.

"That doesn't even make sense, Hide," Kaneki said in exasperation.

Hide pouted, "Lover then?"

Kaneki groaned, "Why?"

"Then I am your brother!"

"Hide, we've been over this. No," Kaneki groaned and shot an apologetic look Amon's way, who actually seemed to be trying to hide a smile.

Hide whined at him, pout in place. "But, Kaneki! You're my little brother!" And then there were fingers reaching to rub through his hair for the third time that day. Kaneki growled at him, batting the hand away.

"No, Hide," Kaneki smiled even as he said it though, at ease with the familiar banter. Kaneki deftly avoided the reaching fingers, which only made Hide more determined to reach him.

Suddenly, Hide stopped, a wide grin taking over his face. Hide turned to look at the other Anteiku worker in the house. "Hey, Nishiki! Help me for a bit?"

The bastard ghoul looked over, snorted, and came around the counter, quickly latching onto Kaneki and holding his arms to his side. "This is the only time I help an idiot like you, Nagachika."

Hide grinned finally ruffling Kaneki's hair as the half-ghoul groaned in defeat. In an actual fight, Kaneki could have easily broken out of Nishio's hold, but this wasn't an actual fight and Kaneki knew they wouldn't stop until they succeeded.

"Traitors," Kaneki grumbled, fixing his hair back to normal. "Anyways, Amon, this is my best friend, Nagachika Hideyoshi. I apologize for his behavior."

Amon laughed good-naturedly. "It's fine. Nice to meet you at last, Nagachika. My name is Koutarou Amon. Please feel free to call me Amon."

Hide grinned widely, "Pleasure to meet you. I hope Kaneki has been treating you right! He might not look it, but he's stronger than most."

Amon smiled, "Of course, Kaneki is wonderful." Kaneki couldn't help but smile back at the man, appreciating the dopey look Amon couldn't seem to keep off his face when he looked at him.

Hide laughed lightly and patted Kaneki's back. "Looks like you found yourself a good pick, Kaneki. Well, I'll be off. Got classes to attend and all that jazz. Later, Kaneki!"

Kaneki nodded and hugged Hide quickly, waving as the man walked through the doors. As soon as Hide was out of sight, Kaneki turned back to Amon. Kaneki ducked his head and hid a smile as he saw Amon still staring at him with such adoration. He came out from behind the table, greeting Amon with a kiss on his cheek.

"I just need to get changed out of my work clothes, if you don't mind waiting another minute," Kaneki said, squeezing Amon's hands gently.

Amon nodded, "Of course. I was thinking we could walk around the park today, if that's alright with you?"

"Sure, I'll be right out," Kaneki turned, heading back towards the staff only door behind the counter. With a sigh, Kaneki closed the door and leaned back against the cool wood. How had he let himself fall this far?

Kaneki could hardly go a minute without thinking of his own stupidity. He should have never even entertained the first offer for a date, let alone the second, or any of the others that came after it. He knew what he was doing was dangerous, but even just a second in Amon's presence made him forget all about it. Everything got pushed aside in preference for focusing solely on Amon and enjoying their time together, but the second he stepped away from the man, everything would come rushing back. Kaneki started to think about this logically, which was the one thing he never seemed to do well around Amon. Sure, he could lie when needed and direct the conversations a fair amount, he could control how much of himself was shown to Amon, but he could never hurt the man, nor break things off.

Amon was likely a specially designed drug just for him—addictive and sweet and perfect, made to fit together with Kaneki perfectly. Amon was strong, kind, handsome, intelligent, humble, just altogether perfect. Kaneki wanted to stop, but at the same time, he couldn't, wouldn't, stop, not when the man gazed at him like he was Amon's whole world, not when he accepted all parts of Kaneki shared, not when he never failed to put Kaneki before himself, not when he was  _Amon_.

Kaneki needed to stop this. He needed to make up his mind, stick to it, and relax. Hide had approved of Amon, so perhaps there was hope for them yet. But Amon was a CCG investigator, Kaneki was a prominent killer on the CCG's wanted list and he would not stop ridding this world of the pesky doves who sought to feast on the misfortune of innocents; so could they really make it through that? He'd only know if he tried, and he could only try if he just let this pan out as it would. If he just let things move on according to their own will, if he just stopped overthinking things, maybe it would turn out ok.

Nodding to himself, Kaneki stood, pulling his work shirt off, and only barely registering the few scars and tattoos that littered his muscular frame. Not much could scar a ghoul, but Kaneki had certainly been at the mercy of those who knew just what to use.

Just below his navel, in simple plain print, black ink read "It is better to be hurt than to hurt others." On his back, in the same area, fancy Greek letters read "I can neither live with you, nor without you."

Kaneki had gotten his first tattoo, his mother's most frequent phrase, on his eighteenth birthday. Emotions had been high, and Kaneki couldn't let himself forget his mother's values.

The second tattoo came after his return from Jason's capture. He had spent plenty of time with Uta in the past, had known what the tattoo meant on a basic level, but Jason's torture had messed with him deep inside, had forced him into some realizations, and suddenly Kaneki needed there to be a physical expression of his understanding placed on his body. Uta had been all too glad to help, and that evening had been one of his best since even before the CCG.

Shaking off his memories, Kaneki grabbed his long sleeved sweater and pulled it over his head. He changed swiftly into his more worn, brown pants and old tennis shoes, placing his work clothes neatly inside his locker. He would have to pick them up later for washing. The dress shoes were placed in their cubby and Kaneki put his eyepatch into place, and he was ready to go.

Kaneki exited the staff room with false cheer, making his way over to Amon. Sneaking up behind the waiting man, Kaneki wrapped his arms around him quickly, standing on the tip of his toes to reach the other man's ear.

"Boo," Kaneki whispered in to Amon's ear, laughing as his whole frame jolted in surprise. Kaneki pressed a soft kiss against the man's neck and released Amon from his hold. Amon quickly spun around, wrapping his own arms around Kaneki's waist.

"You got me," Amon whispered back to the younger, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. Kaneki hummed in delight, letting his head rest against Amon's chest.

"Time to go then," Kaneki muttered, pulling away. "You said the park, right?" At Amon's nod, Kaneki smiled gently and pulled the man towards the door. "Sounds delightful."

Amon chuckled, letting himself be pulled. Kaneki could hear the steady beat of Amon's heart, in time with Kaneki's own breathing, and the heat of Amon's skin where it pressed gently into his own filled him up with warmth. Kaneki knew he could never hurt this man; he had bitten deep into a forbidden fruit, and now he was stuck, forever falling further in love, closer to his demise.

The world was a cruel place, that Kaneki knew, but for the first time, Kaneki could not help but think, the world was beyond just cruel—the world was  _wrong_.

* * *

Kaneki felt relaxed sitting next to Amon in the cool spring breeze, the small noises of the general public surrounding them. This was the fourth time they'd gone to the park for a date, seeing as it always seemed to be the most relaxing and Kaneki's favorite date spot. It helped that they were far less likely to eat anything in a park, so Kaneki didn't have to explain a lack of hunger nor any sickness. Kaneki could relax at the park, just sit and enjoy Amon's company.

Together they sat on a cool metal bench, just under the shade of a tree, and Kaneki leaned his head onto Amon's broad shoulder, smiling as he felt Amon's arm wrap gently around him. Time was pleasantly slow as they sat together, and Kaneki knew they seemed awfully domestic, one of those couples still swept away in the complete adoration of their "better" half. Kaneki wasn't sure which of them could be considered better; the one who killed for a living, or the one who killed to live.

"How's your work going?" Kaneki broke the silence between them, what had once been sweet slowly turning toxic, poisoning his happiness. "Have you been out on the field?"

Amon raised an eyebrow at him, what seemed to be surprise crossing his face. Kaneki couldn't blame him; Amon's job was a generally avoided topic since the first date, only occasionally being brought up when discussing work hours and sometimes Amon's friends.

"Yes, actually. My squad is supposed to be hunting down the Binge Eater right now, but we don't have many leads. We honestly just ended up walking around searching for ghouls in the fourth sector of the twentieth ward. It wasn't very interesting," Amon said haltingly, watching Kaneki's expressions so intently that Kaneki found himself glad he was so rarely looked at as searchingly.

Kaneki pursed his lips, "The Binge Eater's pretty dangerous, right?" He had to play this like he didn't know much, just the bare minimum, what the public knew. "I'm honestly glad you didn't run into her," Kaneki said, wincing as the pronoun slipped out and hoping Rize's gender had been released to the public. In fact, he didn't even know if the CCG knew Rize's gender, let alone anything about her appearance.

Amon's gaze didn't change much, just a slight crinkling in his brows that let Kaneki know he'd made a mistake. "Her? We haven't said anything about who the Binge Eater might be on public records, Kaneki."

Kaneki could not help but appreciate how Amon's tone remained even, unaccusing. Kaneki wasn't sure if it was a technique to keep him calm and make him slip up or if the man was actually the most understanding, trusting person on the planet. Kaneki knew the latter couldn't be true, he'd seen Amon interact with other people besides himself, but he so desperately wanted to believe that was the case.

"You haven't? I suppose I should tell you honestly," Kaneki paused, hating how easily the lie was slipping off his tongue already, "since I've started seeing you, I've been following up on the current CCG cases. One of my friends, you don't know them, hacked into the database for me." Kaneki smiled sheepishly, turning to face Amon directly.

Amon hesitated for just a moment before his features relaxed. "I wouldn't have taken you for the type to go so far, Kaneki," he chuckled, and Kaneki couldn't help the furious blush that sprang up. Amon didn't realize just how far Kaneki went to keep an eye on him. No smart ghoul would go near the investigator at this point, of that Kaneki was certain.

For starters, Amon was a dove, but to follow that up, Amon spent enough time with him that some of Kaneki's scent lingered even in his absence, and Kaneki had taken to watching for the handsome man whenever he was out hunting. Anytime he caught sight of him, Kaneki would follow him until he went inside another building, silently threatening any ghouls who came nearby. Perhaps it was overkill, especially when Kaneki had up until recently still entertained the thought of potentially, maybe killing the man (or at least breaking things off), but Kaneki found he could be a bit possessive and overprotective when it came to the ones he loved.

"I just don't want to see you hurt. You've become rather precious to me," Kaneki mumbled out, hiding his burning cheeks behind his hands. He wasn't usually so embarrassed, (Amon was the one quick to blush, not him), but something about Amon's gentle laughter and adoring grin got to him, pulling strongly at his heart.

Amon laughed and Kaneki could feel the man pull him forward into a hug. "Your worry is greatly appreciated, Kaneki," Amon said, pressing a kiss into Kaneki's hair, "and you're rather precious to me too."

Kaneki shuddered happily, "You can call me Ken. It's about time you did, seeing as we are dating." Kaneki didn't miss the way Amon's breath sucked in harshly, his muscles tensing briefly, and then exhaled, pulling Kaneki impossibly closer to him as he did, several more kisses finding their way to warm the top of Kaneki's head.

Chilling laughter broke up their moment, and Kaneki instantly pulled away. Amon had once more become tense, hand reaching for a briefcase that wasn't there, and Kaneki struggled not to let his kakugan show.

"How cute! I didn't know you were dating someone, Kaneki," Rize's chillingly sweet voice rang around them, filling Kaneki with dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! (A chicken wrap... no sorry it's not...)
> 
> We've got a total of 3,658 words this time around, so that's pretty good...
> 
> Please comment/review, give a kudos, share this fic... whatever you feel like.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope this fic meets any standards you may have!!
> 
> (Next update: July 22nd).


	4. To Fear the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amon's not really sure what to do with Rize's arrival, but he does know that nothing can make him love Kaneki any less. He just wants to make sure Kaneki knows that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. SORRY. I was actually anxiously awaiting the 22nd cause then I'd get to post this chapter and then like the whole day I'm just like "surely there's nothing I need to do..." and then I realized IT'S THE 22ND WOW WHAT A HO.
> 
> So yeah. But here we are. 
> 
> Anyways, we get to see a bit of Rize, Kaneki being #pissed, and all from Amon's point of view too...Also, really key moments for our two boys.
> 
> I feel like this plot is progressing way faster than I really want it to, but like... I don't want to change it so...

Amon honestly fell more in love with Kaneki with each new thing he learned about him. He treasured each new tidbit as close to his heart as he could, knowing each piece was important and a sign of how close to Kaneki he was getting. Amon wasn't stupid—he recognized that Kaneki had barriers up, he could see it in how Kaneki's expression became guarded so easily and his hand would come to rest on his chin, rubbing slowly whenever the man was uncomfortable. Every new piece of information was one step closer to Kaneki's heart, one barrier knocked down.

Knowing Kaneki would go as far as to get involved in mildly illegal business to make sure Amon was safe was somewhat disconcerting, but Amon couldn't help to feel honored. Just from knowing Kaneki almost a whole month, Amon knew that Kaneki would not go out on a limb for just anyone. Kaneki was pessimistic by nature, the type to see the glass half empty and view humans as inherently evil and cruel with few exceptions. Amon had once even heard Kaneki mumbling to himself "My life would be a tragedy" as he worked, a melancholic smile on his face. Amon had no illusions as to what type of person Kaneki was, which just made every little gesture even more important.

When Kaneki said quietly, shuddering as he nuzzled into Amon's chest, "You can call me Ken. It's about time you did, seeing as we are dating," Amon felt like he was exploding into a thousand fireworks. Warmth ran through his whole body and an almost manic grin spread across his face. Even beyond just hearing that he was precious to Kaneki, Amon had been given explicit permission to use the beautiful man's first name. Amon couldn't help it as he pressed kiss upon kiss on Kaneki's head. He wanted Kane—Ken to know how much this meant to him, to know that Amon recognized what a huge deal this was, to know Amon would love him no matter what.

What started as merely an intense interest had developed into so much more, and Amon knew it would continue to develop as time went on.

Amon's racing thoughts came to halt as cold, unfamiliar laughter rang out through the air and his hand immediately went to grab his quinque. He could feel Ken tense and pull away from him swiftly, turning to face the woman standing across from them. Amon watched askance as Ken's eyes narrowed and his mouth formed into a frown. His whole demeanor became mildly threatening and pointedly unemotional beyond the anger which seemed to be at the forefront of his mind. Immediately, Amon knew Ken had met this woman before.

"How cute! I didn't know you were dating someone, Kaneki," came the woman's voice, noticeably sweet and toning towards an intellectual sort of innocence and naivety. Judging by Ken's reaction, this was not the lady's true demeanor, despite her kind smile and sweet eyes. She had long flowing purple hair, and a thin, curved figure with large breasts, Amon mentally noted, years of working as an investigator keeping his mind focused and cataloging each part of a potential threat.

"Rize. I don't see why that would be your business," Ken's voice ground out, unmistakably ready for a fight. It was at that moment that Amon truly knew any who had Ken for an enemy were doomed to a painful and fiery end; his voice was so purely sinister, giving layers to words in a way otherwise unrecognizable in the man. Amon had never felt truly threatened by Ken, and Amon knew why now. This wonderful, kind, perfect man was someone used to hiding his feelings, his thoughts, waiting for the opportune moment before striking out savagely and defeating any who stood in his way; Amon had never meant to harm Ken, so Ken had never meant to harm him. Even if he had, Amon suspected he wouldn't have been able to tell before it was too late. Amon couldn't decide if that made Ken more frightening or more enticing to him.

Rize pouted and Amon was finally able to see what it was Ken found so threatening in the woman as she spoke once more, "I had to find out from some friends, you know, and I just couldn't believe it! That's not fair to me, Kaneki. We used to be so, so close." Her words were cloying, her eyes insincere, but deadly.

"We were never that close, Rize. I have no reason to tell you anything about my life anyway," Ken said, and Amon couldn't help but reach out to grasp his hand. Ken was so tense, looking prepared to fight the woman on his own, and Amon just needed him to know Amon would be there for him. Ken jumped at the contact, glancing back at him quickly and only smiling slightly in reassurance before he focused once more on Rize.

"That's so mean, Kaneki, I'm hurt," Rize said, stepping closer towards the two of them. "Your name is Koutaro Amon, right?"

Amon held back a shudder as her full attention was focused onto him. There was certainly something foreboding about her, no matter her appearance, and Amon couldn't help but wonder if she was a ghoul. Something clicked in the back of his mind, but Amon couldn't tell what. It was like some puzzle Amon hadn't fully been aware of had just been completed, and, before he could look down to the finished piece, someone put it all away, tucked neatly into the very back of his head. In fact, it was tucked away so neatly that Amon paid no more thought to the feeling, instead focusing on the woman in front of them.

"Yes. You are?"

Before Rize could speak, Ken stepped in, still staring intently at the woman, "Her name is Kamishiro Rize. We used to work together when I was younger." Finally, Ken turned to look at him, regarding him with careful, wary eyes, searching for something within Amon. Whatever it was Ken was looking for, Amon imagined he found it as his eyes softened and he nodded briefly at Amon.

"I think Rize and I need to take this somewhere else. We hardly left on civil terms and I don't want to ruin our date further with Rize's and my squabbling. I'll meet you in a minute at the ice cream parlor, if that's fine?" Ken spoke solemnly, and Amon couldn't help but nod in acceptance, recognizing the importance of letting this situation go, lest he lose Ken.

"I'll be there," Amon said gently, stepping forward to kiss Ken fully on his lips, letting the kiss be gently deep for just a moment before pulling away, pleased with Ken's flushed cheeks. It was the first kiss Amon had initiated beyond some sweet, chaste kisses—Ken was always the one to start their deeper kisses, to lead them into long make-outs; not that Amon was complaining. It was more of an 'I'm nervous and don't want to somehow pressure Ken even though we've already done this a lot' type of thing than anything else.

Amon pulled away, nodded his goodbye to Rize, and stepped away towards the ice cream parlor Ken had mentioned. Amon wasn't sure he wanted to leave Ken alone with that woman, not with his reaction to her and her overall feeling of hidden danger, but he had no other choice. Besides, Amon knew he could trust Ken to be careful and take care of himself. Still, Amon couldn't help but to watch the two from the corner of his eye as he sat down next to the parlor.

Ken and Rize were a fair distance away, nowhere near close enough for Amon to hear them or even see them entirely clearly. Amon wasn't dumb, he knew Ken probably didn't want him to even be aware of Rize's existence, and he knew Ken suggested this area because Amon would not be able to respond to the conversation in any way, nor would he hear any sensitive information. While Amon couldn't help but wonder what Ken wanted to hide from him so badly, he retained his opinion: Ken was a guarded person and not someone to be pressured. Ken would come to him in his own time, and that was okay.

Sighing, Amon pulled out his phone and prepared himself for a long wait. He couldn't very well expect their conversation to be short, what with the violent tension between them. Honestly, he half expected them to break out into a fight the moment he was gone. He knew logically Ken would never actually do so, not in such a public place or by Amon, but couldn't help the thought.

Amon barely had time to read and respond  **(*cough read & review pls cough*)** to one email before he was joined by Ken. Blinking in surprise, Amon turned off his phone and stood to greet Ken once again.

Smiling without any true joy, Ken wrapped his arms around Amon. Amon could feel the tenseness of Ken's form even as he rested his head against Amon's chest, clinging tightly as though scared to lose him. Calmly, Amon pressed a kiss to Ken's head, rubbing Ken's back as soothingly as he could. This night seemed to be chock full of important moments between the two of them.

Breathing deeply, Amon began to speak, "I won't push and ask you exactly who she was, or what she wanted, or anything, but please know you can trust me with anything, Ken. I love you and nothing could make me turn away from you." If there was a time for risks, it was now. He knew Ken was still emotionally raw from their earlier words and then Rize's appearance, but he couldn't let the progress they made tonight be laid to waste. Amon could tell, if he didn't speak up now, Ken would retreat, back behind all the barriers they had broken up to this point.

Amon truthfully didn't expect any specific response from Ken, but he was rather sure Ken would not respond to his declaration of love anytime soon. Even as he felt Ken taking deep, shuddering breaths, hands tightening their grip on his coat, still hiding his face against Amon's chest, Amon did not expect anything in return for his words, and he hoped Ken knew that.

Pulling away slightly, Ken stared up at him with hard eyes, "You're so unfair. You can't just let me go, can you?"

Amon shook his head lightly, "No. I love you, Kaneki Ken. I don't care if you can't tell me you love me too yet, just don't leave me, please."

Ken laughed brokenly. "You are too perfect, Amon. I don't deserve someone as good as you."

"No, you deserve someone far better than me," Amon whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

Closing his eyes, a genuine smile flitted across Ken's face, soon lost to the words Amon had yearned to hear for far too long, "I love you too, Koutarou Amon."

Gently, their lips met, and Amon could feel every intricate detail of Ken's mouth and lips, his hands coming up to rest delicately on the Kaneki's cheeks. Even through his focus on kissing Kaneki the best he knew how, or perhaps all the more for it, Amon could feel the warmth of Kaneki's tears sliding down his cheeks, turning to cool tracks as Amon wiped them away. He'd never seen Ken cry before, and something told him he probably wouldn't ever again. They kissed for as long as they could, holding tightly onto each other, and Amon had never felt more complete in his life.

With a small chuckle, Ken broke the silence between them and lifted the somber mood in one fell swoop, "Why are we such a soap opera?"

Amon burst out laughing, Ken quickly joining him, and Amon couldn't help but think he'd never want for more in life if he could just hear Ken's voice like this, filled with humor and joy, every day.

* * *

Ken's skin was pale, even as it flushed beneath his touch, littered with light scars that spoke of hardships Amon would likely not hear of for years to come.  _Years to come._  He wanted this to last years, but more than that, he wanted this to never end.

Beneath the pads of his fingers, Amon could feel Ken's smooth, lean, hard muscles tensing and relaxing in turn with each touch, each breath, each whispered reassurance of love. Gliding his fingers down, Amon traced the dark words on Kaneki's navel, standing out strikingly against the paleness of his skin.  _It's better to be hurt than to hurt others._ Amon couldn't help but wonder who told Kaneki such a thing, but found himself unable to ask, caught up in Ken's presence as he was.

Glancing up, Amon met Ken's eyes, bewitching as they were in their color and focus, and discovered it was impossible to look away. He loved every inch of this man before him more deeply than he thought he ever could—should even, after knowing Kaneki for less than a month; but love was not a force anyone could control, no matter who or what they were. Amon would be the last to try and stop it.

Ken smiled at him gently, "I love you, Amon," and met his lips briefly as though to express his words, his feelings, through touch.

Pulling away, Amon gave a small smile back, "And I, you." No one could take  **( _his_   _precious_ )** this feeling away from him, no matter what.

* * *

Amon found it was rather difficult to continuously fight the smile that wanted to take hold of his face throughout the workday even two days after hearing Ken say he loved Amon. He was glad he hadn't needed to come in to work yesterday, sparing him from the embarrassment he would no doubt face if his squad saw him smiling like a loon the whole day. Having the day off had also meant he got to wake up to Ken's precious sleeping face as the smaller man curled up against him, pale skin glowing in the early morning sun, without needing to disturb Ken's sleep.

He still struggled to convince himself the whole two days were more than a dream, he had actually gotten to wake up with Ken in bed beside him, and Ken had stayed with him nearly the whole day after he woke up. It seemed too good to be true. Amon simply did not get this lucky; it had to be against the laws of nature or something, really. But here he was, only half a month into their relationship, and everything was going better than just "well." Once again, the corners of his lips trembled in his effort to avoid smiling.

Forcing his mouth into a firm line, Amon seated himself at his desk, eyeing up the paperwork resting on it. He didn't want his coworkers to get the wrong impression of him; Amon always held work in high importance, it was not something to be taken lightly. Seidou already seemed to be under the frequent impression that Amon would disregard work for some casual conversation when they were not loaded down with work, an idea Amon was hoping to soon get rid of. Amon was a rather serious person, he knew that about himself, and he found it best to keep any friendly chatter for after work. Bonding was important in a squad, but bonding did not need to take place during work hours.

Seidou seemed fond of a different approach, as he bounded into the room cheerfully, greeting everyone and trying to strike up a conversation. Amon himself only raised an eyebrow, returning his hello before staring the other man into silence. He wouldn't give Seidou a chance to notice anything different with him, lest he took it as a sign to keep talking and disregard his work.

Calmly, Amon set to work. The paperwork on his desk involved his notes on possible hideouts for the Binge Eater, a suspect list (garnered from their scouting earlier that week), and, as always, Eyepatch's file. That ghoul was a constant ailment to his mind, a presence that forced its way into his mind, no matter his focus, like a parasite crawling through his bloodstream, flowing in and out of his brain. Still, he was not ordered to hunt down Eyepatch, and he had a job to do. He needed to focus all of his attention on their current case, the Binge Eater, so he could save the people of Tokyo. No one deserved to be hunted down like their lives meant little more than entertainment and food. No one.

With that resolve in his mind, Amon took to his work, the outside world falling out of focus as he became absorbed in the investigation. The Binge Eater was not a ghoul they could take lightly; they needed to catch her before she did away with a whole city on her own.

Amon ran his fingers lightly over the suspect list, thin paper that succumbed easily to anything but the slightest pressure—he couldn't help but feel the paper belied the importance of the words printed on it. The words themselves looked unimportant, just some random names at first glance, personal information placed beneath each respective person on an indent, and nothing more. Still, Amon could run himself ragged going over this list, examining each name as closely as possible and reading through the files held on each person. Each potential ghoul. It was always his first starting place, how he reminded himself of each and every aspect of the case, and prepped himself for the day to come. Today especially, it felt important to check the list; something in his brain had been nagging at him since his date with Ken the other day.

Slowly, Amon ran through the list.

_Suzuki, Yui; Saitou, Akari; Takahashi, Rio; Matsumoto, Mei; Kamishiro, Rize; Shimizu, Emika—_

_Kamishiro, Rize_.

Could it be a coincidence?

To have met someone so off-putting, yet skilled at hiding their nature, named  _Kamishiro Rize_ , who Ken felt threatened by, who Amon had even briefly suspected could be a  _ghoul_ , and was also  _on his list_. It seemed too impossible, too perfect, to be true. Answers to cases didn't just walk right into his hands, no, he had to work at it long and hard, examine each possibility.

Not to mention, where did that even put Ken in all of this? He had known Rize for supposedly a long time, and Ken clearly was disturbed and threatened by her presence, so it was likely that he would have known of Rize's species status. If Amon was right about this, and he was really beginning to think he was, Ken would be implicated as someone who potentially protected a ghoul, who had known of a ghoul but did not report them to the CCG. Amon couldn't begin to think Ken would do anything he believed was wrong, and Amon had no doubt Ken would not hesitate to safeguard a ghoul if that was what he thought was right. Amon might not fully agree, but he could understand. Still, Ken hadn't seemed to even remotely like Rize, so Amon wasn't sure what to make of it.

He trusted Ken whole-heartedly,  _if_  Ken knew Rize was a ghoul, then there would be a good reason for his silence. Even still, Amon was hard-pressed to resist the urge to pull his hair out and slam his face into his desk from frustration and worry.

Amon jolted upright when a petit hand slapped down in front of his eyes, the noise it made almost as jarring as its sudden existence. Slowly, followed the arm attached to that small hand up to gaze at Mado Akira's stern face. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he met her gaze, his own eyes wide from the startle.

"What did you figure out?" Akira's voice was as clear and professional as always, snapping him back into reality. He was at work, this was no time for personal crises.

"I think I have a lead on the Binge Eater's identity. I ran into her in the park a couple of days ago with Kaneki," already Amon could feel the simple lie resting on the tip of his tongue, ready to be used. "We talked briefly since she took an interest in our relationship, and I kept getting a rather bad vibe off of her. She seemed dangerous, like a ghoul. We got her name, Kamishiro Rize, and when I was just reviewing the list now, I saw her name. It seems like too much of a coincidence." No matter what, Amon would not lose Ken, not so soon after he got him. If that meant lying to his squad and, subsequently, the CCG itself, so be it.

Akira nodded, her mouth thinning into an unhappy frown. "If she is the Binge Eater, she may have been following you after recognizing you from previous field ventures. Do you think Kaneki is in danger?"

Amon's eyes widened. He hadn't thought of that. Of course, he knew Rize had actually been there to see Ken and question their relationship, but that did not eliminate the potential of her recognizing Amon as a CCG officer and marking Ken as a weak spot for him. Still, Ken did not seem to fear for himself when they met her, only for Amon.

"I don't know. What do you think our next course of action should be?"

Akira hummed, eyes scanning around the room to gaze at the rest of their squad. "We should try to be quick in a follow up attack. Find her and engage her, but wait for her to reveal herself as a ghoul first. In the meantime, I've been wanting to meet Kaneki, so I'll stay with him in case Rize goes to attack him. We can't guarantee she's the Binge Eater, but we cannot act with the 'innocent until proven guilty' mindset. Do you have her location now?"

Amon immediately turned to the paper in hand, scanning the information below Rize's name. "She's staying at a hotel on the outskirts of the 20th district. Her room was booked through the next week, and no clue to where she'll be headed after that. We'll start there, then?"

"Yes. Where should Kaneki be right now?" Akira's cold eyes looked into his own, and Amon could feel her confidence. They would catch the Binge Eater and save the humans from her grasp.

"His apartment. I'll give you the number and let him know you'll be over. The rest of us will be tracking Rize, and we'll let you know if we need back up. No confrontation until her identity is confirmed, after which our main objective should be to kill her, correct?"

Akira's eyes scanned over him, and Amon couldn't help but feel exposed somehow. Eventually, she nodded, standing to face their teammates. Amon followed suit, whistling to gain everyone's attention.

He watched, face blank, as in turn, Seidou, Shirazu, Higemaru, Mutsuki, and Urie all stood to face their squad leaders.

"We have a lead on the Binge Eater," Akira began, tone firm as always. "I will be staying with a possible human target while Amon leads the rest of you to our suspect's location. Her name is Rize Kamishiro and you are not to engage until her identity is confirmed."

Amon stepped forward, "This mission is important, so success is key. If we can get rid of the Binge Eater, we'll be saving countless human lives. Remember that, so no matter what she says or does, you will not be tricked and become useless for humanity; just fuel for a ghoul."

Each and every face before him reflected just how seriously they were taking his and Akira's words, just how prepared they were to rid the world of those who would dare to subdue mankind, to make their lives worth nothing more than a food source. Nodding once at them, he grabbed his coat and quinque, briefly writing down both Ken's and Rize's addresses and handing them to Akira. Amon strode to the door, glancing back only once to ensure the rest of the squad was following him. It was time to catch a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ThAt'S a WrAp GuYs!!! *dies*
> 
> A full fucking 4,070 words!!
> 
> Amon started referring to Kaneki as Ken, and I felt the best way to show this was to write Ken instead of Kaneki from that point on, but honestly, I hate it. I don't think I'll change it because it's important to recognize the difference in characters and their thought patterns, but idk....it's so weird to write Ken instead of Kaneki. 
> 
> Also, I'm really sorry about the "(his precious)" thing.... like idk it was just serious and my brain can't do serious forever and just.....that's what came out....so....
> 
> And yes, they fucked. 
> 
> From now on, updates will be monthly, so next update will be August 22!! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!!


	5. To Protect What Is Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki's kind of freaking out, but he really can't let that show. There's fucking dove in his house and Amon's out apparently trying to get himself killed. What even is his life at this point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!!! I got a new computer!!! So sorry about the trouble with this chapter, last month's update, but I finally got it back up to standards and was just very happy about that so.... this is a bit early. I'll should still be able to update on the 22nd for the next chapter too, so here we go!
> 
> Thanks for the support, every single comment and kudos means so much to me!! 
> 
> Sorry if Akira's OOC and like a little all over the place but I just found the situation to be all over the place emotionally so like...I figured it was okay...
> 
> Also I felt really awkward putting in the 'onii-chan' and '-san' but like I'm trying a bit more true to the fact that this is based off Japanese culture and I need to get over it anyways it's just different because I'm not speaking/writing in Japanese so then I'm like but I don't say thaaaatttt
> 
> (I've only been learning Japanese for three years now, please do not assume I'm anywhere near fluent.) 
> 
> Oh yeah. Almost forgot. THERE IS GORE. #warningcomplete

As a rule, Kaneki did not invite doves into his home, including Amon. They had only ever spent time together at Amon's house or various spots around Tokyo. Seeing as Kaneki didn't always remember to  _clean up_ , he found it prudent not to invite either doves or humans who were not in the know into his house. Unless, of course, he planned to eat them.

It wasn't even that he was that messy, it was just that he was a little too obvious. Bloodied dishes, a fridge and freezer full of human body parts, and only coffee in his cabinets kind of left a very  _ghoul_ ish impression. He was just thankful Amon had never directly asked to go to his apartment.

Sighing, Kaneki walked into the kitchen to wash his dishes. If their relationship was going to keep progressing, then Kaneki needed to start cleaning his apartment up and making it presentable according to human standards. It was bothersome, but Kaneki had already decided to give Amon a chance and, at this point, Kaneki figured he couldn't keep lying to himself. He loved the man too much already, and letting go was not a possibility. He had opened himself up to someone, had let himself grow attached for once in his life, and he would not be the one to ruin it.

Just as he was turning on the tap, Kaneki felt a buzz in his pocket. Frowning, Kaneki pulled his phone out, checking the screen to see a text from Amon, sent just a few seconds ago. Amon had said he was working today and wouldn't be able to talk until late in the afternoon, so it must have been important. Kaneki quickly unlocked his phone, opening up to the message.

_Sent: 8:24 a.m.  
Kaneki, we have a lead on the Binge Eater. Mado Akira is coming to protect you, in case the Binge Eater attacks you. We believe it is Rize. Serious talk later, when this is over. I love you._

Kaneki's eyes widened as he read over the text, taking in the damning message. Amon had caught onto Rize's identity and now he was really fucking  _screwed_. Rize could reveal his identity at any moment she pleased, as long as the doves had confirmed her as the Binge Eater, and then everything he had built up with Amon would be sent into ruins. Beyond that, if they became engaged in a fight, Rize could hurt Amon. Hell, Rize could kill him, eat him, and _ruin_ Kaneki. In this situation, Rize held the power because, in an attempt to protect him, Amon had screwed them both over. Kaneki could not protect Amon if he wanted to protect his secret, but he could not reveal his secret for fear of losing Amon. All he could do was sit at home and hope the dove Amon sent, a woman he had only heard of in conversation and met in passing, would not catch on to Kaneki's species.

Swearing under his breath, Kaneki glanced around the house. There wasn't all that much to do, just finish the dishes, clean out the fridge, and restock his cupboards and fridge with human food, but it would take time—time he did not have.

With tense fingers, Kaneki exited out of his texts and made a call to Touka. Touka was his friend, and even if she wasn't happy about his current relationship, she would not leave him to the doves. Kaneki paced as he waited for her to answer.

"Yo," came her voice at long last as the ringing stopped.

"Touka. I need you to go buy as much human food as possible and bring it to my apartment. Tell Yomo to come over with an empty body bag," Kaneki spoke quickly, all the tenseness in his body leaking into his voice.

Before he could continue, Touka cut him off, "Hey! Hold up! What the fuck, Kaneki? You better fucking tell me what's happening before I go over and kill you myself."

"There is a fucking dove coming to my house. One of Amon's dumbass coworkers. They've started to suspect Rize and now Amon thinks I need some shitty protection from his partner."

The silence on the other end of the phone rang out, cutting into Kaneki's brain and filling him with nausea. A  _dove_  was coming to  _his house_. He needed help.

"We'll be there as soon as possible. Calm the fuck down, Kaneki, and get to work."

With a harsh click, the call ended and Kaneki was left to his own panic. How would Amon take the news of Kaneki's species? Would Kaneki even have the chance to find out, or would Mado kill him on the spot? Would Mado be able to kill him, or would Kaneki kill her? Which would Amon resent him for more; being a ghoul, or killing his closest friend?  _God fucking damnit._

Kaneki was not prepared for this, and he should have been, but it was too late. He needed to start cleaning now, unless he wanted to find out the answers to those questions.

Swearing loudly once more, Kaneki set his phone back down and returned to the dishes. He'd let them pile up recently, and Hinami had been coming over more often to read with him, so there were more dishes than usual. Hurriedly, Kaneki set to rinsing the dishes and setting them into his dishwasher.

With each dish rinsed and placed in the dishwasher, Kaneki felt himself calming down. He didn't live close to the 20th Ward's CCG Headquarters, so he should have just enough time before Mado got there, especially since his friends were helping him. As much as Kaneki hated to admit it, he could and did rely on his friends. He had spent so much time alone, in pain, forced to solve his own problems and face the cruelties in life early on, that he had long found it impossible to place his full trust in people, let alone rely on them to help him. Hide was one matter, but after he had opened up to and trusted Rize, just for her to  _betray_  him, and then went through Jason's torture only to end up rescuing himself—relying on people just wasn't something Kaneki did. It wasn't something he  _could_  do.

He wasn't sure when he began to trust completely in his friends from Anteiku again, nor when he came to the point of being able to actually rely on them, but, apparently, those moments had come and passed, leaving him unsure of himself.

Before Kaneki could continue on that train of thought, his door opened and in filtered Yomo's relaxed scent. Part of Kaneki found it within himself to be offended at the other's calm nature, even at a time like this, but the rest of him could only appreciate it. He didn't need any more stress than what he gave himself.

Nodding stiffly at the man, Kaneki placed the last dish in the dishwasher and went to join Yomo by the fridge. The man's silvery-blonde hair contrasted with his large frame and entirely black outfit, but somehow it fit him and his serious expression.

Quietly, they set to filling up the large, empty, black bag Yomo had brought with him with the fridge's contents. Kaneki had been killing a bit more than usual recently, what with Amon's annoying ability to make him so happy and not-murderous while around the man which almost always resulted in him being extra murderous afterwards, so there were more pieces of bloody flesh for him and Yomo to carefully pack away.

Really, what was he thinking dating this dove? So foolish and naive in his love for Kaneki and only ever causing Kaneki problems. If Kaneki died tonight, he wanted it to be known: it was all Amon's fault. That stupid, annoying, attractive, caring dove. Honestly, Kaneki couldn't decide if he hated or loved the man more right now. He caused too much stress.

Kaneki looked up as his door opened once again, revealing Touka and Hinami both carrying loaded down bags of typical human foods. Kaneki could see bags of chips, fruit, and bread sticking out from the top, though he was lost on what else they bought as the scents all blended together to make one overwhelming, disgusting stench that permeated the air and wafted through his apartment, sending his stomach into unhappy coils and nauseating rolls. Kaneki grimaced and shoved the packaged arm he was holding into Yomo's bag.

Although Kaneki could eat human food, being born a half-ghoul, he generally didn't. He'd been raised by his mother, a ghoul, for most of his childhood, and after her death he had been surrounded by ghouls; he never really ate human food unless absolutely necessary. He far preferred the taste of human flesh and actually found most human foods revolting even without a predetermined hatred for them. (Hamburgers and Amon's pancakes didn't count.) Admittedly, part of his distaste probably came from an association of human food with hiding and fear ( _and_ pain _, so much_ pain _, on his mother's face when they—_ ). Besides, he wouldn't be strong enough to survive in this world without proper nourishment anyways.

He nodded at both of the girls, turning back to the task at hand as they responded in kind and Touka kicked the door shut. Without words, the two girls set about restocking his cabinets and making some items seem opened—it wouldn't do to have everything look brand new and untouched.

Soon enough, Kaneki's fridge was cleared out and Yomo stood up fully with a huff. Kaneki had held onto one small bag with a bloody kidney, he'd need to keep his strength up for Mado's visit and the potential of a fight, with Mado or Rize, and fought off a depressed sigh as his food stock disappeared from view. Yomo patted his shoulder consolingly, but said nothing and left quickly and silently.

Turning back towards Touka and Hinami, Kaneki helped them put the remaining items in his fridge and get rid of whatever they deemed necessary to open up for realism. They were soon done, collapsing together on his couch.

Kaneki let out a displeased groan, burying his face in his hands. He felt Hinami lean against him, rubbing his back in an effort to be supportive and soothing, and Touka's awkward pat on his head.

"I did tell you to be careful," Touka muttered petulantly. Kaneki raised his head to glare at her, but she just shrugged. "I did."

Sighing, Kaneki turned away saying, "I know. I have been, but I just let it get away from me. I wasn't expecting him to actually make it past the first date." Kaneki sat up straight, forcing himself out of his self pity, "Too late anyways. Thanks for your help, Touka, Hinami."

With a grunt, Touka nodded and crossed her arms, "Idiot."

Laughing, Hinami smiled up at Kaneki sweetly, "Anything for onii-chan!"

Smirking, Kaneki pulled Hinami into a hug and ruffled her hair. "Shouldn't you show your older siblings more respect?"

Hinami only returned the hug, giggling into his chest and shaking her head. Glancing over towards Touka, they shared a smile as the youngest ghoul snuggled into his side.

"We'll stay until the dove gets here, but then we need to go," Touka said, reaching over to ruffle Hinami's hair too.

Kaneki nodded, "Sounds good," and stood up, pulling Hinami up with him.

The young girl squeaked, but soon adjusted to the change in height and easily made her way up onto Kaneki's shoulders. Touka stood as well, muffling a laugh behind her hand as she watched them.

"Aren't you a little old for this, Hinami?" Kaneki teased the ghoul on his shoulders, reaching up to hold her legs and ensure she didn't fall all the same. He smiled serenely as Hinami shook her head vigorously, reaching down to shake Kaneki's head too. Turning his head, Kaneki blew a raspberry into Hinami's hand, pulling away as she let out peals of laughter and tried to get away from him while staying on his shoulders.

They spent the next couple minutes in relative peace, enjoying their time together before reality returned to them with a sharp rapping on his door. The sound echoed around them, pulling the warmth from the room and making ice run through his veins. Calmly, Kaneki set Hinami down, quietly thankful when she grabbed his hand in a tight squeeze the moment her feet were on the ground. He needed the reassurance.

Grimacing as he shared a look with Touka, Kaneki made his way over to the door, his friends close beside him. He opened the door, unsurprised to see the stern blonde in front of him. He'd seen a couple pictures with her in them before, knew enough about her to have a good idea of what to expect when he opened the door. though it seemed she didn't really, or whatever perceived image of him she'd formed didn't match up with reality.

"Kaneki Ken? I'm Mado Akira. Amon should have told you about my arrival and the reasons for it," Mado paused, her icy purple eyes running over him assessingly. "Pardon the intrusion."

Kaneki nodded, bowing his head a little. "Hello. Please come inside, Mado-san. These are some of my friends from work, they were just heading out." He stood aside, letting the strong woman inside.

Hinami dropped his hand, hugging him tightly, smiling briefly as she pulled away. Touka frowned at him, nodded firmly, and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Take care, Kaneki," she whispered into his ear. Touka pulled back and took Hinami's hand, the two of them turning away out into the soft drizzling of the rain. Kaneki watched them leave for a moment, before shutting the door resolutely and turning to face his guest.

She stood only about three centimeters shorter than him, though her heels added to her height, so Kaneki suspected he was close to a full six centimeters taller. It didn't matter in the long run for her figure was imposing all the same. She was someone who clearly meant business and was not to be trifled with. Kaneki was sure he could still take her in a fight, honestly, but that had more to do with his confidence in his own abilities and the element of surprise being on his side. He wasn't sure he would feel the same if he were even two ranks.

Kaneki smiled tentatively at her, moving over to sit on his couch. "Please, make yourself comfortable."

The dove nodded, sitting beside him quickly and moving her briefcase to rest on the table. Kaneki couldn't help his grimace as the scent of dead ghoul hit him full-force, leaving Kaneki with no disillusions as to what the briefcase held. He schooled his features quickly, but he knew he had not done so quickly enough when Mado frowned at him.

"I'm sorry, would you prefer I leave my quinque on the ground?" Her voice was polite, but her eyes remained sharp, watching him closely. He had no doubt that Mado wanted only the best for Amon, and already she was prepared to sign him off as no good and tell Amon as such. Somehow, it seemed important to him that she take a liking to him and approved of his position by Amon's side, more so than any suspicions she may have about Kaneki's species. Which, really, he needed to get his priorities straight  ***que bad sexuality pun***  because, while both of those things involved the plausible destruction of his relationship, only one of them (likely) involved his death.

Smiling tightly, Kaneki nodded, "Yes, please. I don't know if Amon's mentioned this before, but I don't particularly like or approve of the CCG. We've managed not to let it interfere with our relationship so far, but I still don't like reminders of his job very much."

Mado nodded, though he could tell she was still displeased. "I hope you don't mean to force Amon out of his job; we all quite like him there." She was testing the waters, waiting for Kaneki to give her a real reason to hate him, but Kaneki would not give it to her.

"Of course not. I don't have to like his job to accept it," Kaneki said sharply, eyes narrowing down to a glare. "I just worry about him. Just like now, when he's off probably fighting a dangerous ghoul and I can't do anything to help but sit inside." He wasn't lying. He truly did worry for Amon, although he knew there would be a team of investigators to fight with his boyfriend. Rize was still dangerous and he would feel so much better out there able to protect him. Sure, the CCG field officers could typically take on the average ghoul, but very few were actually strong enough, capable enough, to fight against an S-ranked ghoul.

Something in his expression must have gave way because the next thing he knew, he could feel Mado's small, pale hand reached out to pat his leg gently. "Amon is strong, he will survive."

Kaneki met her eyes, surprised to see them softened, an understanding smile on her face. It hadn't seemed like she approved of him, but here she was, offering her support.

"I misjudged you," Mado said, pulling her hand back, "and for that I am sorry. I assumed you would force Amon away from his job just because of your own distaste for it, but it seems you've only been worrying about him. I can understand that; I hated my father's job when I was young because I feared it would take him away from me."

"Ah, well," Kaneki trailed off, unsure of what to say next. He forced a smile, standing up quickly and looking for a new topic, an excuse to get away. "Would you like something to drink? I have coffee, water, and tea. I might have some milk or juice too."

Mado paused, looking at him with an unreadable expression. "What kind of teas?"

Kaneki hummed, making his way to the kitchen, "I'm not sure. I think I have some matcha and some earl grey. Or maybe it was chamomile? I mostly just drink water, so I'm not always sure which teas I have." The lie slipped easily from his tongue, a small one just to throw her off any suspicion towards his species. It was a frequent one when interacting with humans for most ghouls, seeing as humans very rarely appreciated the delicate nuances of coffee's natural taste.

Opening the cabinet he had seen Touka placing boxes of teas in, Kaneki rummaged through the various cans and boxes (he noted it was mostly filled with boxes of cereal and oatmeal) until he found the unopened box of tea pouches. It was in pristine condition, newly bought, and he was almost worried about Akira noticing how new everything was. Touka had made sure to open some things though, so he should be able to pass as a normal human. He turned back to Mado, box in hand, careful not to show any sort of concern over a simple box of tea. He was half-human, so he needed to channel that side of him.

Smiling lightly, Kaneki read from the box, "There's matcha, earl grey, chamomile, and lemon. Do you like any of those flavors?"

Mado seemed to contemplate for a moment, and he could feel her eyes watching him closely, like she still felt there was something 'off' about him. "I'll take the lemon, if you will. What about you?"

"Hmm," Kaneki paused, looking up at her, "Oh, I'm just going to have a glass of water. I'll get started on the tea now, but it's still going to take a minute. I hope that's okay."

Mado smiled tensely, nodding her understanding. Silence filled the room, disrupted only by the sounds of Kaneki working on their drinks. He could feel her eyes following his every move, waiting for him to do  _something_ , though he couldn't say what. He wasn't exactly sure why or how, but it seemed that Akira was actually suspicious of him beyond what was expected from her as Amon's closest friend. He'd been sure to act normal, if a bit tense (but that was expected in this situation, really), and he hadn't let any sign of ghouls linger in his house. His friends had been as sure of it as he, if not more. Whatever it was he'd done, he'd just have to not let anything else slip and hope for the best. This was one of the few moments he was truly thankful for being only half-ghoul; eating a nice human meal with her would help dissuade any suspicions.

Kaneki placed the cup down in front of Mado, smiling as he met her eyes, "Here you go, Mado-san. I hope it's good."

Mado smiled thinly, reaching down to grasp the cup firmly and take a long sip. "It is. And please, just call me Akira. Mado-san is much too formal if we're to be friends."

Nodding, Kaneki settled himself onto his own spot on the couch, "Of course. I do hope we can be." He paused, holding her stare for a moment, "You're sure Amon will be fine without a complete team?"

Akira sighed, but her eyes never left his own, never wavered for a moment. He could almost see why Amon held such respect for her. "Yes. He'll be fine. They're not even supposed to attack without good reason."

Kaneki shook his head, barely holding in a scoff. A dove's opinion on what was considered a 'good reason' to attack tended to be vastly different than a ghoul's. Perhaps it didn't quite apply in this case, when Rize was easily one of the most powerful ghouls around and very, very prone to violence, but on average? It most certainly did, and Kaneki could hardly stand to hear some self-righteous dove speak as though that was not true.

Apparently, Akira misinterpreted his head shake, though Kaneki supposed that was a good thing, and reached out comfortingly once more, "I mean it. Amon isn't there to try to fight, he's there to confirm our suspicions. If we're correct, then he'll fight, but he will have the rest of our team to back him. He's not defenseless, and if they're really struggling, I'll be called in to help. Normally we wouldn't even send out the whole team, it's just that the Binge Eater is such an important catch."

Kaneki only sighed, feeling his heart sink as Akira only confirmed what he knew. Amon's team was not ready to take on Rize. They were used to lower risk ghouls, ones they could fight in pairs or perhaps even alone, and Rize was used to being attacked by large groups. She knew how to play them, how to fight to win, and she was certainly strong enough to do so. He could only hope Akira would be called soon, so he could put on his mask and help the fools out. Why did Kaneki have to fall in love with some stupid human without enough sense to avoid fights he couldn't win?

"I hope you're right," Kaneki said eventually, looking out his window instead of at Akira. He could feel the somber mood dropping in, souring any further conversation between them. It came with the heavy weight of a storm cloud in the sky, promising a proper pouring but unreachable, unfathomable, to the people who watched it from below, helpless to its nature and promise of destruction.

"Please feel free to anything here. I'll just be reading my book, but please, ask if you need anything," Kaneki said evenly, smiling at Akira kindly and sending slight ripples through the mood with his words, strong enough to test it but unable to break it. Kaneki almost feared nothing would; not until Amon either returned or called for back-up.

Feeling close to screaming in frustration (that stupid, sweet, dumbass investigator), it everything Kaneki had to remain outwardly calm as he opened his book.  _Dear Kafka_ , one of his favorites. It was an exquisite work, the first published by his favorite author, Takatsuki Sen. He admired the woman greatly, her writing style pervasive and mysterious, attention-grabbing in the most subtle of ways. Of course, his admiration was perhaps helped by his friendship with her. Eto was, after all, the same as him. They connected well, though they met rarely, sometimes with years in between the meetings, and often struggled over who between them would win in a fight.

Sometimes Kaneki wished Eto had stayed closer, spent more time with him and the other ghouls of Anteiku, because he knew if she had, they would have been the closest of friends. But it wasn't to be. Still, he had her books when she wasn't there, to remember her by and feel closer to her. Besides that, he had already heard from her, and their next meeting was scheduled in about a week. She almost never knew the exact days she'd be there, but she always let him know the general time frame.

The next couple hours were spent in silence, Kaneki reading his book and Akira bringing out her own papers to look over. Honestly, Kaneki doubted she thought of anything but work and catching more ghouls. Did none of these investigators recognize that ghouls had emotions, families, honest lives too? He hoped Amon would be able to see it that way. One of these days, Kaneki would either be found out or he would tell Amon of his true nature before then, and if Amon didn't accept him. . . Kaneki wasn't sure he could fight back anymore. He needed Amon to understand, to accept him as he was; he didn't think his heart would ever be the same if Amon left him.

It really was terrifying how much he'd come to love the man, to rely on his continued love and support.

Kaneki sighed, closing his book as he finished the final page. He smiled tensely as Akira looked over, making his way to the kitchen. He looked through his newly restocked fridge, hoping to find something he would at least not mind eating inside. At last, his eyes caught the packaging of a hamburger steak, ready to reheated and eaten. He smiled softly, his friends knew him too well, really.

"Would you like anything to eat, Akira?" The words broke the silence, and something in the air changed. Almost like Akira was waiting for him to start a conversation just so she could have an excuse to interrogate him just as she had originally. He hoped had read the atmosphere incorrectly, but he knew he hadn't. All he could now was hope it wouldn't be a question of his species.

"Yes, please. What do you have?" Akira stood, making her way over to him. She stopped at the granite table, eyes focused on him intently.

"Well—" Kaneki began, though he was cut off quickly by Akira's ringing phone. He stopped breathing for a moment, breath stuck inside his throat as she answered, eyes narrowed and mouth firmly turned down into a frown.

"Yes?" Akira answered, eyes widening fractionally at whatever answer she got. "I'll be there as soon as possible. Just hang on."

She hung up, meeting Kaneki's eyes. She seemed vaguely sympathetic, but hurried in the worst kind of way. Kaneki felt his breath release, his bottom lip trembling just barely and eyes widening in worry.

"I-Is he okay?" Kaneki couldn't help but ask, voice trembling just barely. He really was too attached.

Akira nodded firmly, mouth opening and closing once before she found her words, "He's okay for now, but they're fighting a losing battle. I need to go join them. Don't worry too much, we'll take her down. I'll make sure Amon survives."

Kaneki nodded, breathing deeply and setting down the plates he had taken out before. He opened the door as Akira hurriedly grabbed her briefcase and put her shoes back on.

"Good luck. Keep Amon alive for me," Kaneki said briefly, watching as she nodded and ran away towards her car.

He closed the door, forcing his shoulders to relax. At last, with Akira gone he could go out there, ensure Amon was safe himself. He didn't trust anyone else with Amon's safety when it came down to it, though he couldn't say Amon would understand or appreciate that. Still, now he could finally go and protect what he had claimed as his own.

He moved quickly, changing into his battle-suit and favorite mask—a smiling, manic grin with an eyepatch over his human eye. He unzipped the mask, pulling out the kidney he had saved precisely for this reason. He'd wanted as much of an extra boost as he could afford to risk with a dove in his house; Rize was strong. He'd fought with her briefly once, but that had been years ago and he'd been aiming to run, not to kill. He was fairly certain he could take her down now, though it would not be an easy fight and he didn't want to risk anything.

Kaneki went to a window in his room, climbing out and using his kagune to jump from roof to roof, faster than any human could imagine. He would be there soon, he just had to follow Akira's car until he picked up the scent, and then he could save Amon. He could keep Amon safe, protect him as Amon had tried to do for him. He was sure Rize would be laughing at him now if she could hear his thoughts.

It wasn't long before Kaneki could smell the sweet tinge of honey and hard-work  **(it's sweat. but that didn't sound cool, so...)**  that he recognized as Amon. It was mixed with the metallic violence of fresh blood and the deathly scent of quinques, and surrounded by the various scents of Amon's fellow investigators and one scent he knew very well by now. Rize's. He was going to  _kill her._ He would _make her pay_  for ever daring to threaten Amon and himself. For ever daring to try to take his precious dove away from him. Rize might think him a fool for liking any humans at all, let alone a CCG officer, but if she truly thought he'd let her threats slide, then it was she who was a fool.

Growling instinctively, Kaneki sped up, surpassing the cars below him easily and following his nose to Amon's location. Rize's location.  _He was going to kill her._

Kaneki stopped just a few meters from the edge of the roof of the building besides the fight. They were fighting in an open area, a small and new would-be park likely set up for the apartments surrounding it. There were a few pristine white benches on the edges of a glossy stone pathway that weaved through the tiny plot of grass, now stained with spots of red in some places. Very little of the blood seemed to be Rize's, who stood in the center of the field, giggling lightly as her kagune blocked each and every attack the investigators made, occasionally shooting out to smack the investigators around. To be fair, the investigators were doing much better than Kaneki expected, keeping Rize generally on the defense, though she did make a good show of not being put-off, and only a few of them were sporting injuries, none of which were fatal.

As Kaneki surveyed the fight, he could feel himself tensing up and growling once more, his eyes landing on Amon, blessedly wound free save for a thin scratch on the side of his cheek, and at last Rize took notice of him. Her smile fell, and she turned to look straight at him, slight surprise registering in her eyes before she refocused on those currently attacking her. The distraction, however brief it was, gave headway to the group, and Kaneki couldn't help but be proud as Amon struck his lance shaped quinque forward, cutting into Rize's arm so blood spewed out and fell to the ground around her and another bench had a bright red spot across its seat.

Rize stood stock still for half a second, her face contorting into an enraged frown, her own growl rising up as she hunched down and flung the thin strands of her kagune towards Amon, each one aimed to a different part of his body.  _He was going to KILL HER_.

Immediately, Kaneki jumped to the ground between them, his own thicker kagune clashing with hers. Kaneki slid back slightly from the force of the impact, his angry growl never dying. He could almost feel Amon's shocked stare on him, the investigator too startled to move even when Kaneki was pressed solidly into his chest.

Acting quickly, Kaneki ran forward, two of his rinkaku strands wrapping around Rize's and pulling her forward. He stopped when her face was hardly an inch from his own, snarling at her as he forced his other strands through her stomach. Rize aimed her free strands towards him, one slicing into his right leg and the other into his shoulder. He tipped his head at her, unfazed as he began to pull his strands through her body. Rize responded hurriedly, ripping herself away from him to the other side of the grass.

Already, Kaneki could see her arm was fully healed and the whole in her abdomen was closing steadily. He could feel his own wounds following suit, closing just as steadily as hers.

Rize turned her head, spitting out a glob of blood, and wiped her mouth slowly, "You've changed from the last time we fought, you know." Her eyes met his own enraged ones steadily, not a hint of worry in them, though Kaneki could not miss her anger, "But will it be enough? You pathetic, human-loving wretch of a ghoul!"

With no more warning than her words, she rushed towards him, kagune striking out beside her. Kaneki fell into his own fighting stance, parrying her strikes with his own, the two of them flicking around the field in a battle no human could survive. He was pleased to note the investigators stayed backed away, even as he heard Akira arrive. Occasionally, Kaneki would land a hit on Rize, but in the next second she would land one on him. Their fight, for all that they flowed and fought with the viciousness of wild animals, was static and unchanging.

It wasn't until Rize broke the pattern, darting off towards the watching officers instead of returning one of his attacks, that Kaneki truly saw red.  _He was GOING TO KILL HER._

Laughing, her quick form nearing Amon's unmoving one, she called into the wind, "How about I just take them off your plate! I'm sure he'll taste delicious! Haven't you ever wondered—"

Her words cut off, neck crushed by one of his kagune strands as Kaneki unfurled two more, forcing his kakuja into submission despite his anger. She wasn't worth that effort,  _not at all._  He forced her to a standstill, body going limp as his other strands reached out to stab through her angrily. Her blood washed the ground below her feet, pooling quickly and staining all that it touched.

Kaneki walked to her form slowly, eyes burning in his anger, and ground out his hatred of her in his words, " _WhaT WaS tHaT?"_ He shoved her onto the ground, releasing his hold on her neck to impale her stomach once more.

Rize gasped for air, clearly stunned by the turn of events, eyes pleading as she gazed around him franticly, searching for anything she could use to save herself. Kaneki could hear the rustling of movement, sparing the investigators hardly a glance as they stayed anchored in fighting stances, unwilling to move but ready to fight. He twisted his kagune strands into her further, tearing through and resistance roughly.

" _Do yOU wAnT to RETHINK tHaT?"_ Kaneki couldn't help himself as he forced his face closer to her, forcing her eyes to snap onto him, at last fearful of her death.

Rize spluttered, choking on her own blood, until she could form words, at last rasping out, "T-they are weak... o-our p-prey... w-we are  _strong_ , and it is... t-the  _right_  of the s-strong to...  _feast_ on t-the w-weak."

Kaneki slowly unzipped his own mask, feeling his mouth morph into a psychotic grin and revelling in her fear as he spoke, words echoing in the small area, " _Then you shouldn't mind if I feast on you, right?"_

He did not wait for an answer, instead moving down to bite into her flesh and rip it from her body. He nearly moaned as her warm blood hit the back of his throat, for though her taste was similar to that of expired meat, the power he felt being absorbed into himself was intoxicating along with the knowledge that Rize was now dead, unable to ever hurt his Amon ever again. He lost himself to his feast, almost forgetting the presence of the officers, including his boyfriend, until the sounds of retching reached his ears.

Slowly, he stopped chewing, most of Rize's chest and abdomen cavities already emptied into his stomach, her kakuhou being the last thing he took. He stood slowly, zipping up his mask and watching the officers carefully. He focused on Amon the most, who looked sufficiently queasy but still kept his eyes hard and focused on Kaneki, ready to defend against any attacks Kaneki may make. He had to hold back a snort at Amon's endearing foolishness; he had just seen Kaneki devour the ghoul they were struggling against, yet was still willing to fight.

He raised his hands silently and backed away, pausing when he neared the building he had jumped down from in case they had something to say. Sure enough, they did.

"We're letting you go this once,  _ghoul_ , since you helped us with the Binge Eater. Do not expect this treatment ever again. If we see you, we will kill you," Akira said solemnly, quinque pointedly steadily at his retreating form.

Kaneki smirked, "You're welcome," and jumped up to the roof, using his kagune to propel himself higher and faster, racing to his home. He would get there long before Amon or anyone else, surely, but he needed to clean up, _again_. At least this time it was just himself and his clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to a full 6,422 words, making this the longest chapter yet. 
> 
> I feel like my logic for Kaneki hating human food checks out, and I mostly explained it in the chapter, but if you guys want me to go more in depth, just say so. 
> 
> Kaneki's still holding on to his secret... but for how much longer?? O.o 
> 
> Lol sry, I was just so tempted to make Rize reveal him but I didn't and now my hands are twitching......
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!! I hope you enjoy!!


	6. To Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amon is relieved to be rid of the Binge Eater, despite the questionableness of her killer, but he's more relieved that Kaneki is safe again. Still, there are butterflies in his stomach, and they don't feel like the good kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....Chapter Six!! On time, and full of drama. But seriously, a lot of this chapter is dialogue, so just sit tight and hang in there. 
> 
> This chapter officially ends the first arc of this fic, with only one more arc to go. I'm considering making this an end game of 12 chapters, just to keep things going smoothly and not rushed, but we'll see. 
> 
> I also still have to set in stone the next arc's main antagonist, cause I have a couple ideas here but nothing fully set down. I could just have it not be a single antag, but multiple minor ones, idk. I'm leaning towards either doing something with Akira and the CCG, or Arima and the CCG, or just general constant fuck-ups b/w Kaneki and Amon, or ALL OF THESE THINGS AT ONCE. Either way, I'm going to try to bring in other characters a bit more because I felt like that was something this first arc was lacking in. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!!

From the second his feet touched the glittering stone pathway near Kamishiro Rize's apartment, Amon had known the operation was going to end badly. His instincts had been blaring at him, telling him it wasn't safe to be there and putting him on high alert. Seidou, Shirazu, and Higemaru were waiting in the CCG's van, which was parked about a block away, waiting for Amon's signal, while he, Mutsuki, and Urie found positions throughout the small park-like area outside the apartment buildings. They didn't enter at the same time, instead waiting thirty minutes before the second person came in, and twenty-two after that. Each found their own bench, and Amon couldn't help but feel his concern mounting with each shared glance. He wasn't the only one with nerves it seemed.

Still, they had been doing relatively well by the time Rize got there, walking confidently up to Amon and cocking her head, angry eyes flashing as she gazed down at him.

"Do you have business with me?" She had leaned in, grinning when he tried to move away.

"I believe so," Amon had said confidently, and then  _shit hit the fan._

Rize hadn't even attempted to hide herself, eyes changing as she stood straight up and glanced around. Either Mutsuki or Urie had given the others the signal, and they stood around her, surrounding her with quinques out and at the ready.

"Oh my," Rize said, faking worry though the condescension had seeped through her voice all the same. "Did he tell you?"

Amon hadn't spared her words more than a brief thought, focusing instead on the rapidly starting fight. Rize had released her kagune and their focus went to blocking her attacks, slowly trying to gain headway. It wasn't long before Amon had called Akira in, hating that he needed to so soon, but knowing he had no other choice unless he wanted to possibly lose his fellow investigators.

Looking back, though it had only been a couple hours since, Amon wished he'd paid more attention to her words through the whole fight, even after Eyepatch had arrived to save them for some unknown reason. Well. Unknown _at the time_.

* * *

Not even ten minutes had passed after Eyepatch's disappearance that Amon could no longer hold himself back, pulling his phone out to call Ken. He listened to the obnoxious rings as he waited for Ken to pick up. It went to voicemail. A white hot streak of panic ran through his veins, and he waved goodbye to his team only briefly before he was running in the direction he knew Ken's apartment to be.

He dialed again as he ran, swearing under his breath as it hit the voicemail a second time. He sped up, unwilling to imagine something had happened to Ken in the brief time since Akira had left his apartment. The Binge Eater was gone now, Ken should have been  _safe_.

At last, just before his fifth call hit voicemail, Ken answered. Amon stopped running, placing a hand to his chest as he bent down, relief flowing through him as Ken's voice filtered through from the phone.

"Amon? Are you alright?" Ken's voice made his knees weak, even over the phone. (Though that might have just been from the emotional whirlwind and his sprinting...)

"Ken. Yes, I'm fine. Are you? You didn't answer the first four times," Amon said at last, not even trying to hide his relief and concern. He started forward again, this time only walking briskly.

He could hear a gasp and then Ken's sheepish voice, "Ah, I'm so sorry, Amon! My phone was dead. And of course I'm fine, idiot, I'm not the one who went out fighting an S rank ghoul!"

Amon could hear the annoyance in Ken's tone at the last part, and felt a small blush creeping up his face. It was his job, so what was he supposed to do? Let the innocents suffer at her hands? No, he couldn't. Before he could tell that to Ken though, Ken began his own rant.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was for you? You're not strong like a ghoul, you're fragile and breakable and if she had landed a proper hit, I would have never seen you again! I would be all alone, and who even knows if they'd even be able to recover your body! Then what would I do? Mourn an empty casket? You'd really leave me to that?"

Amon felt his heart sink, taking in Ken's hurt voice; it wavered as he continued on and made Amon's heart bleed. He sighed morosely, his own guilt building up. He never wanted Ken to be hurt because of him, and he never wanted Ken to have to mourn him. (Amon didn't spare Ken's wording more than a brief thought, focusing instead on the rapidly overwhelming emotions.)

" _Shit_ ," Ken mumbled. "I'm sorry. It's just," he paused, taking in a deep breath, and Amon could tell he was holding back tears, "I was so worried about you. I don't ever want to lose you, Amon. Never. I love you."

"I know, Ken. I love you too," Amon said gently, taking the next right and making his way ever closer to Ken. "I'm sorry I worried you. I'd promise that I'll never do it again, but you know I can't. But you're important to me, Ken, and I'll fight to make my way back to you every time."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what," Amon confirmed, holding back a wince at Ken's tearful voice and the ensuing cries he heard over the phone.

"Will you be here soon?" Ken eventually asked him, and Amon couldn't help but pick up his pace.

"Yes. I think I'm just a couple minutes away now," Amon said, smiling with relief as he found himself turning a familiar corner. Only a couple more blocks and he'd be there, ready to wrap Ken up in his arms and never let go. He wanted to kiss Ken all over, reassure him they were fine, and stay wrapped up around him forever. Still, he knew that couldn't happen. At some point they would need to talk about what Ken knew of Rize and why, if he had known she was ghoul, he had hidden his knowledge.

"I'll see you soon then. I love you, Amon. So much," Ken said, his voice finally easing away from worry and more towards happiness. (Amon _really_  didn't want to have that talk.)

"Soon. I love you too," Amon said, pulling his phone away from his ear as the end tone came on and Ken's apartment building at last came into sight.

Not even a second later, he saw Ken open his door to wait for him. He hurried up, reaching the door in record time and pulling Ken tightly into his arms. He could feel Ken's arms clinging onto to him just as strongly, moving to run over his back and sides before slowly pushing him away. Ken smiled up at him, the rims of his eyes stained red from tears though his eyes themselves glowed lovingly up at Amon, entrancing him as they always did. Ken slid his arms up, wrapping them around Amon's neck, and pulled Amon down into a searing kiss.

"I'm so glad you're fine," Ken whispered into his mouth, soon quieted as Amon brought his lips back into the motion, pulling him as close as physically possible. Eventually the two pulled apart, and Amon couldn't help but be pleased at the dilation present in Ken's eyes. He had no doubt his own eyes were much the same.

They walked inside, Amon seeing the apartment for the first time. It was weird to think Akira had gotten to see the apartment before he had, but he couldn't find it in himself to be angry or hurt. Really, all the mattered was that he was here now with Ken beside him.

Ken pulled him gently over to the couch, sitting down and leaning himself against Amon's shoulder. Amon smiled down at Ken's white hair, leaning back and wrapping his arm around him. Together they sat quietly, taking in each other's presence for one relaxing minute before they tried to speak.

"You weren't hurt, right?" Ken eventually asked, turning to face him. Immediately, his eyes drifted to Amon's cheek, and Amon held back a wince as Ken's eyes widened fractionally and he reached out to brush his fingers over the spot.

To Amon's surprise, Ken didn't seem all that worried; he'd almost expected a scolding for all the worry he put Ken through. Instead, Ken smiled at him contently, leaning forward to place a short kiss over the small wound.

"It could've been much worse, I'm happy," he said, tone trembling yet again and wrenching at Amon's heart. He knew Ken was not the type to cry. He rarely blushed, it took a long time to make it past any of his barriers, and he hated showing weakness. Amon didn't think it made Ken weak, but it'd be a miracle if Ken ever believed him.

Caught up in his awe, his love for this amazing human being, Amon pressed his hand over Ken's and brought him in to a slow kiss, mouthes welcoming each other in what was a by now familiar dance.

It wasn't long before Amon lost himself in the feeling, the taste of Ken on his tongue, and the press of their bodies close together, warm on the small, plush couch. He felt himself be pressed into the couch, Ken straddling his hips as they kissed and running slim fingers through his hair. Amon's own hands were wrapped tightly around Ken's hips, one of them slowly running itself up under Ken's shirt to run over his lithe muscles. He pressed gently on the small of Ken's back, feeling the other gasp and moan, soon moving to nip Amon's lower lip in retaliation.

Amon winced as he felt his skin break just enough for a drop of blood to bubble up, and then Ken's tongue ran smoothly over the small incision, licking up the drop almost with a hunger. Immediately, Ken yanked his head back, almost giving Amon whiplash despite not being the one to move. One clear eye stared down at him in shocked horror, the other covered by a fast moving hand.

Amon sat up slowly, keeping his one hand wrapped tightly, grip strengthening to an almost bruising level, around Ken's hip while he pushed himself up with the other. Ken slid down slightly, still resting in Amon's lap even as his one visible eye began darting away and he sucked nervously at his lower lip. Despite the pit Amon felt growing in his stomach, he couldn't help but find Ken beautiful, even when all of Ken's nervous twitches pointed towards distress. His stomach twisted sickeningly as he took in Ken's face, specifically the area around his covered eye where the veins were bulging ever so slightly, somewhat darkened in color and leading undeniably towards Ken's eye. Amon would recognize the sign anywhere, after having spent so long hunting the species the trait was specific to down.

Ken was a ghoul. A one-eyed ghoul.

Slowly, Amon let go of Ken's hip and the couch, bringing both hands up to grab onto one arm each. His insides melted a little when he heard Ken whimper slightly, something so uncharacteristic of his boyfriend,  _who was a ghoul, by the way,_ that any further doubt he'd harbored drifted away, leaving him to float alone in a raging sea of emotions, each one filling him up to the brim.

He pulled Ken's hand away from his one kakugan, stunned by the picture Ken made. Here was one of the species he had so many reasons to hate, and Amon could only think of how much he loved this  _ghoul_ , this incredible man he'd wormed his way into the heart of. Suddenly, a lot of Ken's discomfort and conflicted expressions made more sense. A puzzle he'd filled together before, save for the last piece, unwilling to accept the picture in full and what it meant for him.

Amon watched silently as small tears began to race down Ken's cheeks, unsurprised when Ken pulled his arms from Amon's hold easily, reaching up to wipe the tears off the second they came. Kaneki looked down, and Amon knew that if he hadn't seen the glow of his ghoul eye just seconds ago, he'd still be convinced of Ken's humanity, trying desperately to comfort him. As it was, Amon could feel his insides aching, wanting to reach to the man, but the sting of betrayal not letting him.

" _Fuck._ God damnit!" Ken was the first to break, yelling into his hands, shoulders shaking even as he stayed limp in Amon's lap, and then it was like a stream of words he'd been holding back for too long forced themselves out in lieu of Amon's silence. "I _knew_ this was stupid. I knew it. Hide knew it, fuck whatever shitty approval he gave, he told me I wasn't being smart. _Everyone_ told me I was being stupid and I knew it and then you just had to be so fucking sweet and cute and make me love you and, and, and then I couldn't just  _let go_ of you because I loved you too much and everything was going  _so well._

"But then you had to go fight Rize even though she's strong as fuck and just worry the shit out of me and it wasn't like I could just tell you _not_ to go fight because  _I can handle her_  because then you would know I'm a ghoul, so what if it's just half, you're a fucking dove, you  _kill_ my kind for _a living_ and who's to say you wouldn't do that to me if I told you and even if you didn't what if you stopped  _loving me_? I couldn't handle that. _Not ever_. And I could never fight against you because  _I love you_ because I'm an  _idiot_ and didn't just cut my losses immediately!

"God, do you know how  _unfair_  you are, Amon? You're so fucking perfect. You're sweet and cute and handsome and smart and  _everything_  about you is just so  _endearing_  that I can't help but love you.

"Everything was going so  _well_ , you weren't hurt, no one found me out, and I  _finally_ killed that bitch for good, and then you were back here, and, and," Ken cut off, and Amon was stuck watching as the half-ghoul further devolved into sobs, leaning his head against Amon's throbbing chest. One of Ken's hands was fisted in Amon's shirt, the other covering his mouth as he tried to muffle his crying; both hands were shaking. 

He knew Ken loved him, he did, but Ken was a  _ghoul_. Somehow it didn't sound as bad as it should've to him, not now when Ken had just gone through a whole rant that essentially boiled down to: Ken loved Amon despite everything. Slowly, Amon wrapped his arms around Ken tightly, resting his head on top of Ken's.

"I, well, I don't think I  _understand_ , really. What to do, or just any of this. But. I love you too, Kaneki Ken. No matter what."

* * *

It took a good hour before either one of them was ready to leave the embrace, and Amon could feel his insides churning even as he knew he could never leave the precious man curled into his chest. Ken was the first to pull away, eyes still damp and stricken, though now they both appeared human. Amon couldn't help but search those eyes, wondering how he'd missed something so large, so important.

"You saved us today, from the Binge Eater," Amon began, though that was hardly the most important thing for them to discuss.

Ken nodded slowly, looking away with almost sheepish regret, "Yes, I'm sorry you had to see that, but she was threatening you! You're, well,  _you're mine_. Still, I know it must have been foul," he finished quietly, his nose wrinkling cutely

Amon shuddered at the reminder, somewhat sick at the realization it had been his  _boyfriend_ to attack the ghoul so mercilessly, to devour her in plane sight of seven CCG investigators without a hint of concern. He paused, another thought striking him though he wasn't sure how he'd missed such  _obvious_  clues. (He was ignoring that possessive comment, unwilling to broach that territory just yet.)

"You're Eyepatch," he said. It wasn't a question, but a statement; a sure fact after all he'd seen and learned.

Ken nodded once more, twirling a strand of white hair in his fingers. He'd always assumed Ken dyed his hair unaware of that being one of the most defining features of Eyepatch, an S rank ghoul.

Something still felt off about what he knew. Ken had taken Rize down far too easily after being properly, outright enraged to have the same rank as her. Frowning, Amon eyed Ken over.

"You have other names?" This too, was not really a question, though Amon had actually asked this time, hesitant to hear the answer.

"Yes. I'm also Centipede and Act I," Ken said, like it wasn't shocking (and  _horrifying_ ) news.

Amon felt his heart constrict as he realized he'd been dating an SS ranked ghoul with a kakuja who _also_ specifically targeted CCG officers. No one really had any real leads about the ghoul they'd begrudgingly named Act I, seeing as the only thing they had to go off of was each time they found a victim of his, he'd written ' _This is just Act I'_ in the victim's blood. Each victim had been part of the CCG, generally investigators that had been getting close to completing a case. Amon had known Ken for around a month now, had loved him for around a month now, and for all that he'd seemed guarded and generally somewhat gloomy, Amon never would have suspected Ken to be someone to go so  _far_ , to delve deep into the true horrors of murder.

Ken seemed to recognize his expression, growling mildly at him, "They got what was coming to them." There was a hiss to his words, daring Amon to object, but Amon would be damned if he didn't.

"How so, Ken? Their corpses were  _hardly recognizable!_ Some of them had families, Ken. Children they were never able to see again, children who lost their parents far too early!" Amon glared at him fiercely, setting his own dare to Ken.

"You think ghouls don't?" Ken said, glaring back just as fiercely, and Amon was briefly taken aback. "Each and every one of them lived just to kill ghouls, as though we don't have emotions, as though we don't have families to protect, too! Some of their targets were just barely teenagers, some not even! Those children were better off without role models like them."

Amon kept glaring, lost for words, but unable to agree.

Ken took his silence as a que to continue, reaching out to grab onto his hand, "I'm not saying what I did was  _right_ , but it was justified. This world is wrong, Amon, so very wrong. For ghouls especially, it's kill or be killed. Defeat your enemies before they can reach you, stay out of sight, and do what you have to. Protect those you love, no matter the cost."

Amon sighed, looking away. He knew that objectively, he supposed, and Ken had even admitted he didn't think it was right, but he had still done it. How could he love someone who could kill so ruthlessly? (But he did, and that was the most important part, really.)

"I-I think I can understand that. I _do_ understand that. But I don't agree," Amon said at last. "Promise me you'll stop, Ken."

Ken sighed, meeting his eyes forlornly, "You're human, Amon, so you know how it feels to be hunted. Some ghouls simply view you as cattle, a food source, nothing more. But most of us don't. Because  _we_ _know_ what it feels like to be hunted too. We understand that pain well, perhaps feel it more than humans. This world is built off of death. Humans kill each other sometimes, ghouls kill each other frequently, and both species kill each other often. This world is wrong, and only the strong get to see another day."

"That's not a promise, Ken," Amon said, watching as his boyfriend's eyes flashed between emotions.

"Because I can't make that promise. If anyone ever tries to hurt my own, especially the innocent ones," Ken said, pausing as Amon's frown deepened, "I  _will_  kill them."

Amon sighed, "And I'll never be able to change your mind. I can understand why almost, but I just—" Amon cut himself off, huffing. He needed Ken to understand him, to see why he couldn't just accept that Ken would likely kill his coworkers  _(J_ _esus fuck, what was happening with his life?)_.

"Ken, I grew up in an orphanage. The priest, I trusted him, and I _shouldn't_  have. He was a ghoul and he was using the orphanage as an easy way to get food. The children he'd said were adopted, he ate," Amon said and took a shuddering breath. "I  _know_ this world is wrong.  _I know_. But the people you've killed, even if they were going to kill young ghouls, they were doing it for a reason!"

Ken's eyes turned stony, regarding Amon coldly, "Did you hear nothing I said, Amon? Whatever their reason was, it does not condone their actions! They were planning to kill innocents, children who've never once stained their hands! Not all ghouls kill, Amon, and I'm so sorry you had to grow up with someone like that. There are plenty of ghouls who refuse to kill people, Amon, who just want to fit in and live peacefully, and I can't accept you doves taking that away from them. I might love  _you_ , but I despise the organization you work for."

Amon threw his hands up, "Ghouls who don't kill! Right, so they just have other ghouls kill for them, then?"

"No," Ken said with such force and conviction, that Amon was forced to stop, meeting his angry eyes, one lit up black and red and the other glowing grey. "They eat the bodies of suicide victims, or sometimes murder victims. We know all the hills, all the spots, and we collect the bodies, and then they have food. They are  _innocent._ "

Amon couldn't help the small breath of air that left him, "Oh," as he relaxed for but a moment. "If that's a solution, Ken, why don't you?"

Amon watched as Ken's eyes shifted, turning to watch his hands as he cracked one finger dangerously loudly, making Amon wince and reach out to grab hold of Ken's hands.

"You know I love you, Ken. Despite everything, I love you, so I need you to explain so we can work this out," Amon said gently, reaching up to tilt Ken's head up and peck his mouth lightly. He watched as Ken's eyes flickered between love, anger, and pain.

"My mother would have. She did actually. Not kill, I mean. She's the one who told me 'It's better to be hurt than to hurt others.' What I told you about my father is true. He is a CCG employee. He left us before I turned five. It's," Ken paused, "It's a long story, not one I want to ever think about. I hate my father for what he did, and it's because of him that my mother died.

"My mom was the one who really raised me, cared for me. Even in the few memories I have of my father, he was never particularly kind. He was always cold. The only thing we have in common is our taste in books, and I'm happy to leave it that way. When he left us, of course he knew  _who_ we were,  _what_ we were. He works for the CCG, it's not that hard to figure it out what he did.

"He sent the CCG after us, and when I was ten, they finally caught us. They tortured us. Used us as a demonstration for some dumbass class in the CCG and killed my mother just to say I was faking my emotions, my  _pain_ , and 'don't be fooled, they don't feel anything real.' And then they kept me and tortured me until the others finally were able to rescue me.

"The only reason I don't hate all humans is because I had Hide to fall back on. We were friends from a young age, and he never once was bothered by my species. He even offered to help me hunt for food a couple times after my mom died, that fool," Kaneki said, chuckling fondly. "He was always so preceptive and kind, and I couldn't hate him, so I couldn't hate all humans. I still wanted my revenge though, and I still hate the CCG.

"I should probably mention that Rize and I worked together for awhile after that, but Rize was always so much more  _general_  than I was—she hated all humans, saw them as trash, and I really just hated the CCG. We separated and I went around my business in the 20th ward, while she usually stayed away.

"Later, when I was nineteen, Jason, you know him right?" Kaneki asked him, pausing his story until Amon confirmed it with a firm nod. "Well, Jason kidnapped me, essentially. Took what the CCG did in one year and rolled it all up into ten days. I don't dye my hair, Amon, nor do I paint my nails. I wasn't always quite this closed off. Some of the tics I have, like cracking my fingers," which Amon had noticed he'd done a total of eight times since the start of the story, "and when I have nightmares, a lot of them go back to the CCG and Jason. They hurt me so much, Amon, and I can't ever let them do it to anyone else, ever again."

Ken was shaking slightly by the end of his explanation, and Amon held him tightly to his chest. At some point during the story, Amon had begun rubbing his back, running fingers through his silky soft hair, and generally making comforting sounds. He pressed a kiss to Ken's head, heart feeling adequately squeezed (more like pulverized) for the next month. He didn't think he could handle much more pain, but Amon knew this talk had been needed for them. It cleared so many things up, and really, at least for Amon, cemented their relationship. He couldn't imagine leaving Ken, even if he was a ghoul. There was still more they had to discuss, and at some point Amon was going to have to bring back the 'stop killing people' topic, but for now, it was enough.

"I love you, Ken. This, honestly, this is going to be hard, which I'm sure you knew, but I want to work through this. We'll work through this, together, okay?"

"No matter what?"

"No matter what," Amon said a sense of finality in his voice. They laid together silently for a moment, pressed close together, but still surrounded by a dark cloud. It was so much different from earlier.

Sighing, Amon spoke up once more, "Actually, Ken, I don't know. Have you been lying to me this whole time about liking my pancakes? Because I made those especially for you, but apparently you shouldn't even be eating them, and that might be the breaking point for me. Lying about pancakes is definitely a no-go."

Amon smiled as he watched Ken's surprised face morph into one of amusement as he giggled, "I wasn't lying; I'm a half-ghoul, Amon. Your pancakes are truly the best." Ken leaned up a bit, grin wide as he closed the gap between them, "Idiot."

They kissed slowly, sweetly, like they had all the time in the world and nothing could ever tear them apart, and Amon felt complete. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!! (For now...)
> 
> This chapter was a full 4,688 words of pretty much only dialogue lol. 
> 
> Ah, Kaneki telling the truth at last.... O.o Writing Kaneki's rambling was dreadful because it was a Moment™️ and there was so much italics bleh. I was kinda worried I was going overboard, but then I was like, nahhhhhh it's fine this is supposed to be dramatic *jazz hands*
> 
> Hope everyone liked it, next update set for October 22nd. Jeez it's already almost Halloween.... maybe I'll post bonus mini chapters for Holidays (as in just a short little things of Amon and Kaneki being cute together and for once not being angsty little boys...)
> 
> Comment/review and leave a kudos if you want, it's always appreciated!! 
> 
> Thank you, see you next month in arc two!!


	7. To Improve Something Already Great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amon knows and now all that there's left to do is adjust. Somehow Amon doesn't hate him and Kaneki can actually start being honest with him now. (Mostly.) Kaneki's pretty sure he hasn't been this happy since before his mom died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry
> 
> i'm a mess
> 
> this is several months late
> 
> oops
> 
> i'm a Mess™️~~

Kaneki was not, in any way, prepared for Amon to discover him. Sure, he'd thought over the possible scenarios millions of times, planned out hundreds of different speeches with varying degrees of truthfulness, but he hadn't actually been prepared for it to happen. Perhaps because he'd been nearly certain Amon wouldn't accept him. Still, it was a pleasant surprise when Amon did accept him.

Curling up further against Amon, Kaneki pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's head and pulled the covers up just a bit more. Amon was sleeping soundly, clearly exhausted from the day's events, but Kaneki couldn't get his mind to quiet down. He kept playing their conversation over and over again in his head. He almost felt guilty about it.

He'd lied. Not very much, and technically he hadn't lied outright, but it was the same either way. Sure, all of Kaneki's stories had been true, his pain and trauma weren't faked, but he'd deflected the most important pieces, replacing them with other things. He just couldn't bring himself to explain further, to really give Amon all the details, not when he already seemed so hurt and upset. Instead he'd justified himself, he'd left some details out, and now Amon probably wouldn't want to be with him if he found out.

Kaneki shut his eyes, forcing the thought out of his mind. He hadn't expected Amon to accept him either in the first place, so why wouldn't this be the same? He needed to relax. Everything was calm now; Rize was taken care of and Amon had stayed with him. Everything was going well.

Huffing, Kaneki slowly disentangled himself from Amon and the sheets, walking to his kitchen. Coffee helped everything. Silently, Kaneki made himself a cup of coffee, letting the calming smell take over him as he breathed in deeply. Subconsciously, he reached over for a sugar cube, only to belatedly remember they had been moved, and sighed when his hand met air. Thankfully, they hadn't needed to take his jar with them, just move it out of sight. He pulled out the jar, putting it back into his normal spot.

Time moved slowly as Kaneki was sitting on his couch, watching the moon through his window. Its shining beauty, filling the night sky with just a touch of light, combined with the warm cup of freshly brewed coffee in his hand pressed the hard thoughts out of Kaneki's mind, letting him finally relax.

Life was fine. Amon was fine. Kaneki was fine. Rize was dead. Touka, Hinami, and the others were fine. There was nothing for him to worry about. Whatever happened in the future, he could, and would, deal with.

Soon enough, Kaneki felt ready to sleep and he padded quietly across the floor back to bed. He got in carefully, only to meet Amon's now open eyes. They were tinged with sleep, only half-open, and traced his face slowly, almost reverently.

"Where'd you go?" Amon asked him, speech slurred ever so slightly as Kaneki smiled at him.

"Just needed to clear my mind for a second. It's fine, Amon. You can go back to sleep," Kaneki said gently, a slight smile pulling at his lips. For such a large man, Amon was unfairly cute. Kaneki pressed a soft kiss to Amon's cheek, resting his forehead against Amon's after. He took in Amon's scent, the smell of honey that seemed to be so deeply woven into Amon's body that nothing could lift it. Kaneki was pretty sure he loved honey, if only because of Amon.

Amon smiled softly beside him, humming quietly and pulling Kaneki into as much of a hug as he could while laying down. Kaneki laughed softly, pressing one more kiss to Amon's cheek before curling up against the warm man and letting the gentle waves of sleep take over him. For once, Kaneki had no fears of those waves turning turbulent, waking him unhappily from a short rest.

* * *

Kaneki woke slowly, listening to the world around him silently before opening his eyes. There was a bird outside his apartment chirping out sweet songs, and the noises of people in the surrounding apartments going about their day. What stood out to Kaneki though, were the noises coming from inside his own apartment. There was clattering in the kitchen, the sizzle of cooking batter standing out to him. He could smell pancakes cooking and fruits taken out of his fridge. He could smell honey all around him.

With eyes at last open, Kaneki stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen, watching Amon putter around cooking for just a moment before he made his way over, greeting the tall man with a hug.

"Hi," he mumbled softly, pressing his face into Amon's shirt. He could feel Amon's arms reaching around to return his hug, and a soft kiss was pressed into his hair.

"Good morning, Ken," Amon said, rubbing a hand over Kaneki's shoulders.

Kaneki groaned in annoyance, knowing he had to let go for Amon to finish cooking. Reluctantly, he looked up at Amon's smiling face, huffing as he let go and made his way to the coffee brewer.

"Mornings don't get classified as good, Amon. Mornings suck," Kaneki muttered, grumpily going through the motions to make coffee. Amon's huffing laughing delighted him from behind, waking him up just that little bit more.

"It still surprises me you're not a morning person," Amon said kindly, "you seem like you would be."

Kaneki glanced back, watching as Amon flipped the pancake in his pan with a flair, catching it easily, "I don't know where you got that impression from, seriously."

Amon hummed in return, and they drifted into a comfortable silence. Kaneki felt himself waking fully, the cup of coffee soon in his hands helping greatly. He watched as Amon went about making his pancakes, each flip bringing a slight tensing of Amon's muscles that caught Kaneki's gaze easily. Watching Amon like this, in such a domestic scene, Kaneki could feel stirring up from within emotions and wishes he'd long since pressed down. Amon brought him hope, made him yearn for more, and made Kaneki feel, for once, he might actually get what he wished for. For once, some of his misery would be lifted.

Humming quietly as Amon set out plates, Kaneki reached out to grab Amon's hand before he could go back to the pancakes. Amon's mildly confused gaze met his own, and Kaneki couldn't help the small smile on his lips.

"I love you," Kaneki said confidently, never once breaking eye contact. He brought Amon's hand closer to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss to the smooth back of his hand.

Amon's eyes softened as they watched him, and Kaneki could practically feel the warmth radiating from the tall man as he bent down and pressed a sweet kiss to Kaneki's cheek. Pulling back, Amon smiled at him sweetly and moved his hand so their fingers interlocked.

Quietly, Amon replied with a gentle, "I love you too," and turned back to grab the stack of pancakes. "You sure you can eat these, Ken? I know you said you're a half-ghoul, and you kinda implied that meant you could eat human food, but I don't want you to lie to me about your health to make me feel better."

Presenting himself calmly, Kaneki forced out careful words, "I can. It's a perk to being a half-ghoul. I just usually don't enjoy human food. Most of the time it's disgusting but edible. Your pancakes just so happen to be delicious."

Amon nodded easily, a slight smile on his face tinged in confusion, "Good. And you don't rely on human food because?"

It was a loaded question if he'd ever heard one, but Kaneki made sure to respond nonchalantly, an expression of ease throughout his body and face, "I wouldn't be getting the proper nourishment to actually be able to survive in this world. Besides, most of the time it's actually quite revolting."

His answer seemed enough for Amon, and they ate in silence, close enough together for their legs to brush lightly and Kaneki to rest his head against Amon's shoulder when they were done. Everything felt peaceful, calm, warm. Kaneki didn't want the moment to break, wishing instead that it could last forever, though he knew it wouldn't.

"I need to head out for work soon, Ken," Amon said into the empty air, breaking their spell of quiet.

Kaneki pulled away, nodding as he met Amon's gaze, "I know." He paused, contemplating his next words, unsure of what they'd mean to the other, "I could walk you there, if you like? I'm not on shift at Anteiku until later."

He watched Amon's expression carefully, waiting for any upset to break through, but all he saw was a touch of surprise and grateful warmth. It was odd, even now he half expected the slightest things to bother Amon and make the investigator walk away, disgusted with his species. It was reassuring that was not the case so far.

"That would be nice, I think. So long as you don't try to come inside," Amon said teasingly, bringing a bright smile to Kaneki's face.

Kaneki snorted lightly, "I have no doubt in my capabilities to get inside undetected, but I won't, just for you."

Amon's eyebrows raised inquisitively, but Kaneki only shook his head, snickering to himself. Maybe telling his sweet dove how he could get in would be the nice thing to do, but then he wouldn't be able to exploit that method to visit Amon at work, and it would probably cause trouble for other ghouls, so best not to. Amon pouted beside him but took it much better than he was expecting him to, and Kaneki was immensely grateful.

With a long, heaving sigh, Kaneki stood reaching his hand out to help Amon up. Amon took it, standing easily and pressing closer into Kaneki's space. Kaneki could hear the thudding of Amon's heartbeat, fast but steady, and felt himself flush as Amon's penetrating gaze focused on him, meeting his eyes and then sliding towards his lips. Kaneki's own heartbeat was speeding up ever so slightly, and he raised himself to meet Amon for a kiss before he could let himself get too far. He wasn't the shy one in this relationship and he wasn't about to start acting like it just because Amon finally found his confidence.

Their lips met easily, now familiar with the sensation, and Kaneki could feel himself relaxing as Amon's hands came to hold him at his waist. He reached his own arms up, hands clutching tightly at Amon's hair, and pressed as close as he could. Amon was intoxicating, every touch from the man was like Heaven on Earth and each loving gaze and soothing word from him a balm against Kaneki's scarred soul. Kaneki was far past any desire to eat him, especially when this was his reward.

Pulling away calmly and moving one hand to press gently against Amon's chest, Kaneki met Amon's eyes, "I'm glad you know now." He paused, electrified by the passionate agreement in Amon's face, giving Amon one more sweet peck, and said, "It means I can love you more completely, without any walls made of lies standing between us."

Amon smiled wide, "I'm glad too. I love you so much Ken. It's been such a short time, realistically, but it feels as though I've loved you forever, and I don't think I could let go now."

Kaneki felt something within him glow, and he let himself return Amon's smile fully, for once letting the expression take over his face as he so rarely did. He nodded, pulling away completely at last and moving towards his room to get out of his pajamas and into something appropriate. He didn't plan to meet the rest of Amon's squad today, aiming instead to leave at the entrance, but all the same he wanted to be wearing something nice. He couldn't guarantee they wouldn't run into someone, nor could he guarantee someone wouldn't see him from a window.

Besides that, Kaneki feared the presence of his father. Kaneki stilled in the process of pulling his shirt over his head and let his eyes blur as he stared blankly ahead. His father was always a sore spot for him, leaving him and his mother to struggle on their own when he was still young, as if they were worthless to his father. As if family was something not worth fighting for. And then, the finishing blow, when his father revealed their location and identities to the CCG. Kaneki praised his mother's intuition, spending her life using a false name. Looking back, his mother must have suspected his whole life that something with his father would change; together they called him Haise, but, when it was just his mother, she called him Ken. When his father left, he became solely Ken and took on his mother's true maiden name, Kaneki. It was a key part of what kept them safe for the short time they could be considered so.

Even now, Kaneki relied a bit too much on not being Sasaki Haise for comfort. Granted, the CCG didn't know his masks, nor were they sure of his appearance now, seeing as the last time he'd been seen (knowingly) by their officers he was barely eleven. They didn't even honestly know his life status. (Living or dead, he almost didn't know himself sometimes.) Being a ghoul though, even just half, meant constantly living in fear, otherwise death was a near certainty.

Shaking himself out, Kaneki turned back around and went out to meet Amon at the door. He smiled up at the man, trying to focus solely on him, on the source of Kaneki's happiness.

* * *

Over the next week, they picked up a routine and soon Kaneki was walking Amon to work nearly every day. The days Kaneki didn't walk Amon to work, Amon walked him to work, unless they both had the day off, in which case they spent their time together anyways. It was exhilarating, spending his time with Amon candidly and falling deeper and deeper in love with him every day. How could he not? This newfound honesty let their relationship grow in ways it couldn't before; dates didn't include Kaneki forcing himself to eat things he found revolting, Amon didn't question it when Kaneki picked up on things humans simply could not, and conversations flowed more easily with greater understanding between each other.

They still had long, hard talks some nights, curled together in one of their beds, about their differences and which parts were the hardest to accept, and they certainly argued over it sometimes, but they were working on it together and that was the most important part. They hadn't split up, they hadn't hurt each other beyond the occasional clipped words, and they certainly hadn't killed each other. Their relationship was, given what it was, healthy. Kaneki hadn't quite thought it possible, but here he was standing with the man he loved outside a CCG building as he kissed him goodbye as though he had not a care in the world. He supposed love really did conquer all, even in what should have been a star-crossed affair.

Kaneki waved over his shoulder, smiling to himself at Amon's dopey expression, and headed towards Anteiku. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself, pressing his face into his jacket to hide his smile. In doing so, he almost missed some long forgotten, half-familiar scent as someone new walked by, but he could not bring himself to look up even as his brain took note of it. He was so wrapped up in his bliss, feeling covered in another layer made from Amon's love, that he did miss when this unknown man faltered in his steps, turning back to watch Kaneki's retreating figure.

Struggling with a self-satisfied smile, Kaneki walked through the chilly air to Anteiku's door, glancing through the windows at the expected crowd. Cold weather always brought in more people, meaning a busier day for Kaneki. He was almost glad for the expected distraction; it would help in keeping his mind off Amon for the entire day. He did need to function normally, after all.

Kaneki met Touka's disapproving glare head on as he opened the door, unsurprised by her continued annoyance at him. He had told her of Amon's knowledge the day after Amon found out and since had been met with her disapproval anytime their eyes met. He rolled his eyes as he passed her into the locker room, ignoring the way her glare followed him for as long as possible, seemingly attempting to glare a hole through his skull. He knew she was only worried for him and the others, but he wished she would stop already. She would have to at dinner anyways.

Amon and Kaneki had set up a dinner for themselves, expecting their simple date plans to be easy to follow, but somehow Amon's friends had invited themselves, which then led to Touka inviting herself because he'd be "pecked to death by worthless doves" without her there to save his ass. He would be endeared by her concern if not for his annoyance at his date being crashed.

The night was guaranteed to be interesting, that was all Kaneki knew. Four doves and two ghouls sitting together for dinner, one dove and ghoul dating, and the others being invasive assholes. Interesting, yes, that was the right word. He just prayed the night wouldn't end in bloodshed.

Sighing to himself, Kaneki put himself to work, glancing over at Touka briefly once more as he picked up a plate in one hand, using the other to flip her off and sticking his tongue out for good measure. She invited herself, she could fuck right off with her attitude if it was so bad. He heard a snort and glanced back to Touka covering her mouth with a hand, trying to remain stony-faced as a slight grin twitched at her lips. Unable to help himself, Kaneki smiled lightly in response, sticking his tongue out once more. Even when Kaneki was annoyed at her, she was still one of his closest friends.

Turning back to his task, Kaneki made his way to the kitchens, dropping the dirty plate into the sink and turning back round to take some orders. Most of the day's patrons were ghouls, and Kaneki tried to stick to the ghoulish patrons, letting Touka handle the human ones though he could feel yet another disapproving glare from her as she caught on to his actions. Really, he was the one who spent more time with humans between them, she could do with the extra interaction. What would he do if she didn't act human enough at the dinner? (Not that he really thought she would have any problems, he was just trying to justify his avoidance.)

The hours passed slowly, none of the patrons standing out particularly or making his day interesting. He got a few comments on his hair, as usual, and a couple less on his nails, also as usual. He and Touka spoke intermittently through the day, mostly trading insults or trying to make the other laugh, sometimes doing both at once. It really was a rather dull (yet fun) day, perhaps the perfect forward to an interesting night.

He was just finishing up, helping Touka close up the shop when the front door bell rang as someone new walked in. He turned around, ready to point out that they were closed, but stopped when he caught sight of who it was. Touka snorted derisively from where she was sweeping as he met Amon for a sweet kiss and hug, and Kaneki flipped her off for what must have been the sixteenth time that day. She might be one of his closest friends, but she was also fucking rude.

"Hi, Ken," Amon said adoringly, pulling back only to grasp Kaneki's hands and peck his lips once more.

Kaneki smiled back, "Hey. You ready for tonight?"

"Yes. Are you guys ready to go?" Amon looked over to Touka, frowning when she raised an eyebrow at him and didn't respond.

Kaneki snorted, patting Amon's arm reassuringly, "Just about. We have to take the trash out and then we'll be done. Sorry for the wait."

Kaneki turned away from him and went to pull out the trash from a nearby bin, going over to Touka so she could dump the dust she had collected into it. Kaneki grabbed another full bag and headed to the back exit to their dumpster. He remained quiet as he finished up his job, knowing Touka was right behind him with the last bag, her stare boring into the back of his head. He was tense with nerves for the dinner, what Touka had to say, and, most of all, the things he'd hidden from Amon what was already more than two weeks ago. He knew he needed to tell Amon eventually, but how could he? Already his secrecy was beginning to fester in the back of his mind, growing into something unstoppable as the time passed on.

Together they dumped the bags into the dumpster, sharing a look as they stopped outside the door.

"I told you this would get out of hand," Touka said calmly, crossing her arms. Before Kaneki could respond, she continued, "But I suppose he is good for you in some ways. You've seemed much happier recently, Kaneki."

Kaneki paused, not expecting her words. He knew Touka really only wanted what was best for him, but he hadn't realized she'd decided Amon was part of that. "Thanks. It really means a lot that you'd say that. So thanks," Kaneki said slowly, meeting Touka's gaze head on.

She nodded at him, reaching out to lightly punch his arm, "You better be fucking thankful. I still think this is mostly bullshit though, so don't get your hopes up too much."

Kaneki smiled, shaking his head as he went back inside to see Amon awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. Amon blushed lightly when he looked over at Kaneki, looking far too innocent for his own good. Kaneki couldn't guess what made Amon blush this time, seeing as he wasn't being particularly provocative and was only in his work clothes, but he winked all the same. It would be a shame to give up such an opportunity to watch Amon grow flustered. Which was exactly what happened; Amon's blush deepened and he looked away quickly, eyeing the wall like it was the most interesting wall he'd ever seen. Kaneki could guarantee it wasn't.

Laughing, Kaneki made his way to Amon and pressed a sweet kiss to the man's cheek, "Sorry, Amon, for the wait." He turned back to where Touka stood watching them amused, "We're good to go, right, Touka?"

She nodded, gesturing to the door, and followed them out as Kaneki took Amon's hand, pulling him gently towards the door. Kaneki waited for Touka to lock the door, only beginning to head towards the Boar's Hat once she had joined them again. Since their first date, the Boar's Hat had become their official 'special' date spot, despite the food being nearly inedible even by human standards. It was a bit far to walk, but they were all fit and perfectly capable of making it there. Besides, if Amon started taking his car to work again, they wouldn't be able to walk together in the morning. He supposed he could just ride in the car with him, but it wasn't the same.

"Don't worry about eating at this restaurant, Touka. The food's universally recognized as horrible, so no one will think it's odd if you don't eat," Kaneki said pleasantly, smiling over at her. She nodded, rolling her eyes as Amon squeezed Kaneki's hand and Kaneki leaned into him in response.

"You guys are disgustingly couple-y. It's gross. Stop," Touka said, wrinkling her nose at them.

Kaneki stuck his tongue out her, unable to help the childish reaction. Amon laughed, disentangling their hands and wrapping his arm around Kaneki instead. Kaneki could feel the man's mirthful smile directed at Touka as he pressed a kiss to Kaneki's head, earning an upset noise for his efforts.

"You don't get to tease me. No. Kaneki, tell your dove not to tease me," Touka said, pointing harshly in their direction as she glared at Amon.

To his credit, Amon seemed generally unfazed by her gaze, pulling Kaneki a bit closer instead. Kaneki smiled up at him, pleased as a pink glow hit Amon's cheeks as he looked at Kaneki's face. He had Amon wrapped around his little finger practically, and he knew it.

"Mmm, but Touka, he's just being a good boyfriend," he said, turning back to Touka with a mischievous grin.

Touka groaned but let the matter drop with only a few grumbles about her 'stupid friend and his stupid dove.' Kaneki could practically feel the heat of the flush climbing up Amon's face, informing him that Amon had heard Touka's statement too and had not missed being referred to as Kaneki's. Kaneki grinned smugly up at the flustered man, squeezing his hand gently.

The three of them walked together in peace, friendly conversation picking up throughout the walk until they reached the restaurant. Outside stood several CCG officers, clearly Amon's coworkers as almost all of them waved upon spotting them. Kaneki could practically feel Touka's mood darken as she tensed beside him, giving away just how uncomfortable she was with this all. Kaneki reached over and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, letting go just before they reached the group waiting for them.

"Hello, I'm Kaneki Ken," Kaneki began, making sure to plaster on a cute smile and wave sweetly to the group, "nice to meet you all! And it's good to see you again, Akira."

Akira nodded politely back to him, reaching out to first hug Amon, then greet Kaneki and Touka with a handshake each. Akira paused briefly when she shook Touka's hand, eyeing her polite smile with something akin to curiosity, though perhaps closer to suspicion. Akira stepped back, clearly waiting for the rest of the group to introduce themselves.

Amon cleared his throat, grabbing Kaneki's attention, and introduced his fellow investigators, "Ken, Kirishima, this is my team at work. There's Seidou, Shirazu, Mutsuki, Urie, and Higemaru. You already know Akira, of course."

As Amon spoke, each member of the team made some small form of greeting at mention of their name, save for Urie, who instead continued to watch them like nothing had happened. They all stood stiffly together for a moment longer, unsure how to continue.

"Shall we go inside then?" Kaneki broke the silence with his question, gesturing to the door.

"Right! Yeah, let's," Seidou said with a wide grin, almost bouncing on his feet as he made to open the wooden door.

They were seated quickly, what with Amon and him being regulars and therefore liked by the owner, though the ease of friendly conversation took a minute longer. No one quite knew who to address first without excluding another portion of the group. The awkward silence was quickly too much for Kaneki, and he could feel his mood souring at the almost unpleasant start to the night. It was to be expected, but Amon's descriptions of his teammates had given him high hopes.

Sighing silently, Kaneki took it upon himself to start up conversation, "So, Amon told me you all were interested in meeting me," he said genially. Kaneki steepled his fingers and leaned forward as he continued, "Which makes me wonder what he's told you about me, if you could enlighten me?"

Mutsuki was the first to respond, blushing slightly as he spoke, "W-well, he hasn't said a lot, really. Koutarou-san is very serious about his work, so we've only heard about you a few times in passing."

Higemaru nodded in agreement, "He's really a buzzkill sometimes. That's why we wanted to meet up you, so we could now what kind of person could deal with having no fun!"

Amon blushed and looked away, even as Kaneki turned to face him slightly, pouting up at him as his teammates all made sounds of general agreement, save for Akira, who seemed to be enjoying Amon's reaction.

"You don't talk about me to your coworkers, Amon?" Kaneki continued to pout at him, reaching up to squeeze his arm a bit until Amon looked back down at him, face bright red. "But I talk to Touka and everyone about you all the time," Kaneki said with a bit of a whine, watching with pleasure how Amon's face turned impossibly darker as he sputtered a bit, unable to properly respond.

Touka groaned from beside him, "He's not lying, unfortunately," she grumbled quietly. Glaring lightly enough for the others to understand she was still being friendly, Touka lightly smacked Kaneki's shoulder, voice louder as she spoke to him, "I think we get it already, Kaneki, you've got him wrapped around your little finger. No need to keep showing it off."

Kaneki smiled innocently at her, leaning against Amon's side as he said, "I don't know what you're talking about. I just think it's unfair that Amon doesn't talk about me at work, so I don't get to hear any good stories about it, but if he asked you or anyone else at Anteiku, he'd have plenty to go off of."

Amon, still flushed red, pressed a kiss onto Kaneki's head, wrapping an arm easily around his waist. "Well, I think about you plenty, if that helps," he said quietly, smiling at bit as Kaneki turned and pecked his cheek.

"It does," he said happily, leaning against Amon further and intertwining their hands where Amon's fingers rested against his side.

Touka grumbled a bit, raising an eyebrow at the rest of the groups' wide eyes, "You should've seen them on the way here, they were being even more gross and couple-y."

Seidou and Higemaru laughed in response, while the others all cracked a grin, even Urie.

Akira hummed, "It's nice to see you like this, Amon. Kaneki seems to be quite good for you."

From there, conversation flowed easily as everyone was able to put their own two cents in and get to know each other. Kaneki was actually enjoying himself as they talked over drinks, no one willing to order the food. After all, the Boar's Hat wasn't known for their stellar food. Kaneki connected most easily with Mutsuki and, surprisingly, Urie, but found himself generally liking everyone. Touka seemed to have found a friend in Shirazu, though he doubted she would ever admit it.

It was nearing eleven by the time Kaneki thought to mention the time, leading to surprised gasps from the others and a general consensus that it was time to leave.

"We're so lucky to have someone thoughtful with us! Geez, I probably wouldn't have noticed until way later and then I'd never be able to get work done tomorrow! Thank you so much, Kaneki-san," Seidou exclaimed happily. He bowed playfully deeply at Kaneki as they left the establishment, earning a laugh from him.

"You're very welcome, but it was nothing really. It was nice to meet you all; I hope we can do it again sometime," Kaneki said sweetly, meeting everyone's gazes briefly. Touka nodded agreeably from his side, surprisingly less worn out from the evening than Kaneki thought she would be.

The others all agreed and they parted ways, leaving Touka and Amon alone with him.

"Better than you thought it would be right, Touka?" Kaneki said teasingly as they walked back towards Anteiku, planning to part ways there.

Touka huffed, "Shut up, idiot." She crossed her arms with a glare, giving him the stink eye as she did so.

Amon gently grabbed hold of Kaneki's hand, squeezing it gently. "You did enjoy yourself, then?" He asked, smiling down at Kaneki.

Smiling, Kaneki squeezed his hand back, nodding in response. From there the trip was quiet, Kaneki only parting from Amon's side briefly to say goodbye to Touka. As they continued on, a sweet smell filled the air, tantalizing Kaneki's tastebuds and breaking the peaceful air between them. Sighing, Kaneki stopped walking, surprised when he didn't have to say anything for Amon to understand he needed to stay silent. Quickly, Kaneki pressed a kiss to Amon's cheek.

"There's most likely a feasting ghoul nearby, just so you know," Kaneki began quietly. "I don't think they've noticed us yet, but I don't know how they'll react when they do. I don't recognize their scent. I don't know how you want to deal with this, so we can either keep going and wait for them to act first or take care of them now, in which case I'd rather you let me deal with them," Kaneki paused but continued quickly when he saw Amon's face set into an unforgiving frown, "the human is already dead by now, Amon. We wouldn't be able to save them."

Amon nodded severely, fists clenching and unclenching by his sides repeatedly, and opened his mouth several times before actual words came out, "I'd rather we take care of them now. It's," Amon paused, taking a deep breath, "I don't—I just can't—"

Kaneki nodded solemnly, taking both of Amon's hands into his, "I understand. But please don't interfere. I can take care of them, and right now it's best word doesn't get around that I'm with a CCG officer, okay?"

With a sigh, Amon acquiesced to Kaneki's plea and followed him silently as Kaneki began to follow the enticing scent. He made his way deftly through the streets, easily acting as though he was simply a human with some particular destination in mind. He stopped before the entrance of a shady alleyway, pressing a hand to Amon's chest to get him to stop.

"I'll take care of it," Kaneki said quietly, pressing one last kiss to Amon's cheek and leaving him to wait.

Kaneki made his way down the alleyway slowly, body tensed and ready to fight. There shouldn't really be any ghouls feasting in the area, seeing as this was part of Anteiku's territory, which meant this ghoul was either starving, stupid, or confident in their abilities. No matter what, encroaching into another's territory was undeniably rude and dangerous as it infringed upon one of the main rules of ghoul society. Kaneki would have needed to call Yomo or come back himself later if Amon hadn't wanted to attend to this problem. The only issue now would be what to do with the mea—bodies. The bodies. Amon had an unfortunate effect on him it seemed; he'd have to call Yomo to help after all.

The deeper into the alley he went, the more easily he could make out the still feasting ghoul. They had yet to react to his presence, too consumed in their meal, so Kaneki took his time in observing his soon to be opponent. They were male in stature with clothes torn haphazardly from likely years of use and covered in dirt from lack of wash. His dark, greasy hair was cut unevenly as though it had simply been hacked off with a knife of some sort or perhaps torn out in some places. The ghoul fit perfectly into the stereotypical starved, half-crazed ghoul everyone, ghoul and human alike, was warned against. Kaneki thought he would be easy prey, most likely.

Kaneki whistled as he walked over to the other ghoul, quickly grabbing his attention. His head snapped up quickly, showing a bloodied square jaw and impossibly wide, unfocused, and bloodshot kakugan eyes. The ghoul snarled deeply at him, moving to guard his meal and unfurling his kagune in a clear threat. He had an ukaku kagune, two pathetic drapes of wing-shaped cells, lacking the shining beauty of Touka's or her brother's wing-like kagune. He was most certainly starved, likely only able to form his kagune at all because of the body beneath him. Kaneki almost laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of this 'threat,' unable to contain his smirk at the least.

"Oh, you think you can beat me with that? How foolish, stealing from other's grounds like some pathetic thief. How about I teach you a lesson, mm?" Kaneki mocked the ghoul as he came closer, his own healthy rinkaku kagune coming out easily to float behind him, each strand sharpened to a point and aimed right at the ghoul's head. The ghoul was clearly long gone, only snarling more wildly in response.

Kaneki watched amused as the ghoul raised itself up, rushing at him with muddy wings extended in his desperate attempt of a weapon. Kaneki easily sent his kagune through the rushing ghoul before he could reach Kaneki, tearing several holes through the ghoul's flesh and spraying blood throughout the alleyway. He could feel speckles of it landing against his face, warming his otherwise cool cheeks, and large splatters of the red liquid staining his clothes.

Sighing, Kaneki bent down to pat the beaten ghoul on the head, "Pathetic." As the last light in the ghoul's eyes died out, Kaneki ripped out his kagune strands from their holds in the ghoul's flesh, sending out another spray of blood and leaving gaping holes in his chest, stomach, and legs open for view. It hadn't taken much at all to kill him.

Soft steps echoed through the alley, grabbing Kaneki's attention as he easily recognized Amon's scent making his way down towards him. He turned to meet Amon's hard expression, smiling sheepishly up at the man as he came over to the scene. The human unfortunate enough to fall to the ghoul's hunger lay dead and torn up several feet away, the ghoul himself laying by Kaneki's feet, body pristine in comparison to the human's.

Amon said nothing, only sighing in resignation and pulling Kaneki in close for a strong hug. Kaneki couldn't help but be shocked, though he wasn't sure what he was expecting. He returned the hug gladly, listening intently to Amon's fiercely beating heart as he let himself calm. His kagune was still out, resting itself on the ground as Amon's relaxing presence washed over him.

"I'm so lucky to have you," Kaneki mumbled into Amon's firm chest, pressing a soft kiss beside the man's heartbeat.

Kaneki could feel Amon's chest shake slightly as he huffed out something like a chuckle, hands gently brushing through his hair.

"Mm, can't say I ever thought I'd be hugging a bloody half-ghoul next to two dead bodies," Amon said with surprising lightness, bringing out a laugh from Kaneki.

"Can't say I ever thought I'd be hugging a dove next to two dead bodies," Kaneki teased back, mis-matched eyes meeting Amon's own perfectly matching dark, silvery gaze. They were as enchanting as every other part of him, which is to say very, and Kaneki couldn't help but to feel enraptured by them.

Slowly, so as not to disturb the peace of their moment, Kaneki reached up to meet Amon's lips in a passionate and slow kiss, desperate to convey his love and appreciation for the man before him. Kaneki had to stretch to reach him fully, pleased when Amon bent down and pressed forward into him, changing the angle and reach to a more comfortable one as they held each other tightly. Amon's hands around his waist burned in the best kind of way, grip tightening as Kaneki's hands carded their way through Amon's silky soft hair, and their bodies pressed as close as they could go.

There should have been something wrong with the moment, deep in some dank alleyway with two torn apart corpses lying close beside them on the filth ridden ground, but it was perfect. This is what Kaneki had been some amazed by since Amon found out; that for all the differences between them and the horror in the world, they would make it through together. Kaneki had never really believed his life had potential for anything more than tragedy until now, pressed in Amon's arms as they kissed like there was no tomorrow. He still wasn't convinced his existence wouldn't end tragically, but there was a glimmer of something like hope there now and it was all because of his beautiful dove.

Kaneki wasn't sure how long it took for them to pull apart, just that eventually they did, foreheads still pressed together as they shared breath. Kaneki sighed a little, slowly lowering himself to rest his head against Amon's chest. He felt Amon squeeze him once more in a hug before he stepped away, shifting to gaze briefly at the corpses behind him.

"I think I need to call someone for cleanup really quick. I'm sorry, but do you mind getting home late?" Kaneki asked reluctantly, focusing his gaze on watching Amon's expression change. Amon grimaced but nodded either way. It seemed like he understood they wouldn't be able to explain this completely away from the CCG without getting Kaneki caught.

"Yeah. As long as this means some of the ghouls you mentioned before won't have to hunt, I'll be okay," Amon said at last.

Kaneki couldn't help the wide smile that came over his face and he pulled in for one more tight hug, "It does. Thank you, Amon. I love you." Since when was Kaneki ever this lucky?

Still smiling, Kaneki pulled out his phone and let his kagune finally dissolve, having just realized it was still out. He dialed Yomo immediately, not wasting any time when the line connected.

"I need you to come help with a cleanup. Two bodies. Someone tried to invade the territory. I took care of him, but I'm with Amon and don't have anything to take them back with," Kaneki said. He got back a quick sound of understanding and the call ended.

"Alright, he's coming. Hopefully this won't take too long," Kaneki said to Amon, reaching out to grab his hand and pull him over to the side of the alleyway. "It's better if we wait in the shadows, just in case someone else gets here first."

Amon nodded and pressed them both back a bit farther against the wall into a slight impression Kaneki hadn't seen. They stood silently together, letting the time slip by as they waited. The air felt sharp and biting, and Kaneki could smell the soon to come rain on the wind. Hopefully it would arrive after they finished, just to wash away the final remnants of what had happened here.

It took almost twenty minutes before Yomo arrived, decked out in his long black trench coat with two large bags hanging from each of his hands. They exchanged a brief greeting and set to work quickly. Amon stood to the side at Kaneki's suggestion. He knew Amon saw gore on a day to day basis due to his job, but asking him to help desecrate two corpses (especially the human one), to rip them up and shove them in bags, seemed like a bit too much. Besides, Kaneki and Yomo were better suited to the job having both experience doing so before and greater strength.

For several minutes, sickening squelches of tearing flesh were the only sounds pervading the air. Occasionally, a practically loud, deep breath from Amon would cut in through the noise, revealing his unease. Kaneki couldn't blame him really. Despite all this, everything was going rather smoothly. Or, it was until the job was finished and Yomo tried to hand Kaneki one of the bags.

Kaneki refused immediately, glancing at Amon from the corner of his eye to watch his reaction. Amon had already been so understanding about everything else, so ready to accept, and Kaneki didn't want to push his luck. Something about taking the bag (full of well-deserved food, part of his mind whispered) in front of Amon seemed wrong, like he was admitting to Amon that most people were little more than walking meat to him, however untrue that may be. Or perhaps it was what it implied—that Kaneki would be willing to eat openly in front of Amon. The idea of actually eating a ghoul's meal in front of Amon, however, was difficult to swallow; something about eating human (or ghoul) meat in front of a human he cared for so strongly was distinctly uncomfortable. Sure, he'd technically eaten Rize in front of Amon, but that was more because Kaneki was lost to his anger and thirst for revenge than anything else.

Amon hardly reacted at all, though he perhaps looked confused by Kaneki's refusal to take the bag. It was, to say the least, shocking to Kaneki. Sometimes he felt like they were still at day one of Amon knowing, and Kaneki had to remind himself that it had already been a week since Amon found out. Part of him had just expected Amon to take longer to come around.

Kaneki examined Amon's face carefully for another minute, searching for any signs of repulsion. Upon finding none, Kaneki turned back to Yomo to tentatively take the still extended bag. 

"Thanks, Yomo. I'll see you at work," Kaneki said calmly, doing his best to keep his convoluted emotions hidden. 

Yomo nodded calmly and left the alleyway, presumably on his way back to Anteiku. Kaneki turned, pulling the bag's straps over his shoulder, and laced his fingers through Amon's as they followed Yomo out. The rest of the way to Amon's house was quiet, but not tensely so. Kaneki felt himself relaxing slowly as they walked on, smiling up at Amon briefly as they got closer to the house.

Kaneki paused at the front door as Amon made to unlock it, some of his tension coming back to him, "Are you okay with me leaving this in your fridge for tonight? I can run it over to my apartment really quick," he said. He watched Amon's face carefully, waiting for a negative reaction. Instead, Amon just nodded and gestured him inside, looking nervous certainly, but not because of what Kaneki had said.

"Amon?"

Amon looked concerned as he met Kaneki's gaze, mouth opening and closing briefly as he clearly tried to find the right words. "Ah, well—it's just—I, well, I was actually wondering if maybe you'd want to stay with me?"

Kaneki paused confused at Amon's words, wasn't he already going to be staying? He raised an eyebrow to Amon, prompting him to expand a bit. Kaneki didn't want to impose, but he honestly hadn't thought he would be, besides the recently acquired extra bag, seeing as he slept at Amon's house quite frequently and they had even discussed whose house to go to after the dinner before. 

Flushing, Amon spoke up once again, "Well, what I mean to say—ask, I mean, is, well, would you want to stay with me more, um, permanently?" Amon took a deep breath, "Would you like to move in with me?"

Kaneki couldn't help but to gape at the other man in his surprise. He stared wide eyed at Amon for a minute until his mouth closed with a snap. Kaneki dropped the bag and yanked Amon in for a hug, nodding fervently against his chest. Amon really was too perfect for him. 

Eventually, he pulled away and pressed a chaste kiss to Amon's own smiling lips, taking hold of one of Amon's hands. Kaneki leaned into the other hand that was resting against his cheek as Amon rubbed gentle circles with his thumb over Kaneki's cheekbone.  

"I'd love to Amon," Kaneki said happily, "but you do know what that would entail, right? Food wise? And if anyone in the CCG ever found me out?" It never hurt to be too careful.

Amon nodded solemnly and Kaneki felt his heart swell. _Too perfect, really_. They smiled joyfully at each other, squeezing their joined hands and meeting for another deeper kiss.

"I love you, Ken," Amon said in between kisses, "really. Far too much to be healthy. We'll be careful and adjust." With that, Amon pressed a somehow even more passionate kiss to Kaneki's already red lips. 

Gasping lightly, Kaneki reached his own free hand to take hold of the one still resting gently against his face and squeeze it gently, easily replying, "I love you too, really." With a laugh that was quickly swallowed up in another kiss, Kaneki continued, "I'm not sure any amount could be healthy, but I really do love you, Amon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so that was a solid 8,098 words but it was also late by too many months?? I'm very sorry about that, honestly, and I really appreciate all the support this has gotten so far.
> 
> I've been a bit of a mess recently, and that's really slowed my roll for writing. i fully intend to continue this fic, but i don't know how well monthly updates will go over. I have a lot of ideas which are making the chapters longer and, again, i'm a bit of a Mess™️. Not exactly a great pairing for timely updates. 
> 
> To briefly explain my "I'm a Mess™️" comments: I've been crazy busy with school and work recently and i have diagnosed anxiety and depression. My therapist went on maternity leave for several months and what i've learned is I don't know how to cope without a therapist anymore. oops. So, yeah. Mess™️. I'm doing a bit better now, hence the update, but it's still a bit difficult. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Don't let COVID-19 kick your butts! Be careful! I hope you're all healthy! :)
> 
> Thanks for the support!


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